My Penguin Pal~

She’s been dead over a week and I just found out this night.  She took pills on purpose and wrote us all a goodbye entry…said she loved us all. 

This ambush was too much to process this night, until I googled her name and read her obit.  It’s real, she’s gone….she really did it.

She found me when I first started this diary five years ago and she was a difficult one to argue with, she’d always win.  One entry I typed about a friend who had committed suicide and he left me the only goodbye note..I called him a selfish coward and she admonished me saying it takes guts to kill oneself.  

It does take guts, it does.  She also said the only selfish part was done by the ones grieving Their loss of the loved one…so be it. 

So don’t leave me any notes saying sorry for your loss please.  It wasn’t my loss was it.  She was so smart and witty, the very smartest…she was my Penguin Pal…

Now for my selfish part.  Two of you are currently suicidal.  Take me off your friends list please.  This feeling of being utterly powerless is maddening and I just can’t invest in the risk, probably ever again.