Chinese New Year

Its the lunar new year. Time flies doesn’t it. Isn’t it odd that I only recall that i have an online diary here, when i am not feeling the best of moods. I guess thats the same for parents too.

Lets just start with some rough updates. Graduated from university last year with a bachelor of Engineering (Computer Engineering, 2nd lowers). Not exactly fabulous but i have never paid much heed to the piece of paper anyway. But of course, if i have to expend no effot and yet get better results, i definitely wouldn’t mind it. Ha .. so much for double standards here.

Upon graduation, I had a short trip climbing Mount Kinabalu and diving. The trekking part was bad because i couldn’t get to the top cos i was too tired and too cold. Probably from a lack of determination but i clearly remember that at that crucial, it seems the most logical thing to do.

After the trip, I started work at some defense company. Pay is alright but still not enough. Have the bloody loan to pay off, which results in me not having much leftovers. Isn’t it extreme folly that you study for 25 years of your life, and can barely afford any savings now, with a loan strangling you bit by bit. The job isn’t fabulous too. Too much job politics.

So i have decided to switch jobs. Applied for bloomberg and air steward job. Failed the bloomberg interview cos i sorta reprimanded one of the interviewees for nonsensical discussion replies. Got through to the air steward interview. Not a fab job i will say, but the pay is good and the travelling opportunities is excellent. Call that a high class if you like. Ha .. never thought i would actually become a waiter, albeit a high class one. Servicing pple has always put me off greatly. Well, i have quitted the defense job yet, but i guess i will. Here’s why.

The pay isn’t as good, and the politics is a waste of time. I don’t have many youthful years left and i would rather spend them effectively. And there’s this girl i met during work. Can call her a colleague although not exactly so. Got rather close lately. Knew she had a bf of many years. Well, true enough i have my hesitations at the beginning but the flow was too good, it just flowed. So we are rather close now and we have been chatting almost every night. But till now, i still have absolutely no idea where that is heading. Is she just looking for a fren or what? Say, she takes me for a fren. That would be extremely painful. Because the way we are talking now, it sure doesn’t seem to lead that way. But then again, how can you even comtemplate to understand girls. They say one thing and do another. So i am confused. In addition, i am not that kind who can play around. i know i can’t. Well for the 2nd scenario where it can actually lead somewhere. Well, i used to think that I wouldn’t mind breaking others up. But now that such a thing is seemingly happening, i can’t take it. Call me a pussy or anything. But thats just how things are. So i am lost now. She was supposed to go to church the next morning. Then she changed her mind. So i asked why. She said cos bf and her family are not going. Damn, that really crush me. I can’t take it. Crap. Was talking to her over IM just now. And after that statement, i totally dun feel like takling anymore. Isn’t this thrashy.

I hate escapists, but feels like that i am exactly one of them. ha isn’t life funny. Though i feel horrible now, I still think its funny. That brought to my mind one quote. “Laugh and everyone laughs along, weep and you cry alone.” Why can’t i have people to laugh and cry together.

Yup, i have ended my speech now. Take care people. For those who still remembers me.