Stress

This semester is really hellish. But then it also gave me an insight into myself.

First off, I totally lack confidence… erm.. I don’t mean it per se, or maybe i do… You know, there are some tricky situations where if you just have that little bit more confidence in insisting things your way, the outcome would have been SOOOOOOOO much better. so I lack that tiny weeny bit more of confidence and i hope to achieve. But you know, I always try not to be too confident because people always misjudged it as complacency.. Its a really tricky thin line there and many times I thought I was on one side, but others feel that i am on the other side. Thats sucky.

Second, I am a god damn worrier. When i am not doing work, I am worrying about work … That makes me a really bad multi tasker, like say holding several projects at the same time.

Third, I am really bad with bullshitting people. I can’t bullshit somebody about things which I havent done. And most of the time, i downplayed my work too much. so i always end up making something which i spent countless hours on, into sounding like it could have been done in a couple of minutes. Thats bad….

Fourth, I am really bad at handling stress, maybe because i am a worrier as well so that doubles my stress. During this entire semester, I think i really broke down. But i don’t tell people about such things. I rather talk about happy things than talk about sad things. In a way, its rather like keeping things to my own self. So when i was really close to total breakdown, zen save me surprisingly. I went to this salon and the hairdresser was just starting to read zen and she talk and reminded me of things i already knew. But it was like somebody giving you food, when you are almost starving to death and the food was actually in your shelves somewhere but you never realised it.

Anyway, I had dinner at a friend’s house just now.. It was warm, cos we all help out with the cooking. Friends sitting together having a nice cosy dinner. That must be the highest point in my life for this semester so far.