Empty Hope

Everyone reading my blog has prolly been dumped before. It’s not the best feeling in the world. I consider what has happened during my last 2 entries a break-up. When I talk to Justin over Skype, I’m just not feeling his affection for me anymore. It’s almost as if he doesn’t love me and it’s scaring me.

"This girl is crazy" some of you might say "she’s too young to be in love". Bull. I have truly fallen head-over-heels in love with this guy and he just happens to be millions of miles away and with another girl. Not only that, but this girl is my friend!

… Do I have empty hope? Are all my prayers for him to be happy in vain? Am I stupid for thinking that he will choose me?

I don’t know.

I want so much to know if he still loves me or not. I need a man completely, not half of his heart. I wish… I wish I could go home.

If I had never moved, this would’ve never happened. I’d be sitting on my bed at home, writing my novel, cell phone in one hand with Justin on the other line. I’d crack up laughing at one of his witty comments, then suddenly sober up when he pops me with a surprise "I love you, angel". I’d smile wistfully and reply "I love you, too, Justin".

When he was scared or angry or just plain upset, he’d call. He’d ask "Can you read a Psalm to me?" or "Please sing to me" or simply "Just keep talking; I love to hear your voice". I’d quench him everytime and he was always grateful for it.

If I was sad, I’d call and he’d listen. He’d let me ramble, then just let me cry. He’d whisper honeyed nothings of comfort until I was content, then he’d crack a joke and laugh with me.

Those days seem so distant now.