21.

when I was 21, I joined the army. My father died 5 years before and and my step dad a month before my 21st bday. I needed to get away. My first boyfriend and I had broken up a year earlier, yet, I ended up in his bed ALL OF THE DAMN TIME. I was so confused and lost. Sometimes I got so high or drunk that I watched myself make the stupidest decision with the dumbest people. It was like watching a train wreck over and over. Eventually, the day came for me to leave. I barely got through basic training but I did it. Somehow, I fcking did it.  During AIT, I met someone who I would fall so hard in love with, that I would again watch another train wreck. TRAIN WRECK PT 2. And this didn’t feature amy what’s her name. My daughter’s father was everything I thought I needed. Handsome, tall, alluring. Everyone around him loved him. He had this presence around him that people flocked too. And by ppl I mean other women. I went through the ringer with other women but I ignored it. He kept telling me that people were jealous and I believed him. They were trying to break us up! I had what they wanted! Lmao. Sorry I actually laughed. As time went by I eventually left the army, honorable discharge of course. He told me when my pregnant self came home it would be to an apartment and he had a job. He was in the national guard. I sent him money every pay check for our baby. He spent it. Every last fcking time. I came home aka his mother’s house. Throughout my whole pregnancy, I was lied too, cheated on, and after my baby was born, I was hit. I forgave so much. My relationship with my family was broken because I kept going back to him. I lost everything. I didn’t love myself. But dammit I loved my baby so fcking much that I knew, I had to get out of this shit one way or another. 3 years on and off was too long. One time we met up in a park. He wanted to see the baby. She was about 3. He was playing with her and got upset with me Bc I was on the phone. We were already broken up at this time. He’s like ITS FAMILY TIME. I’m like no, it’s ya time together. You’re not my family she’s your family, so spend time together. He grabbed my kid and tried to run out of the park with him. He told my daughter to call me a dirty hoe, nasty bitch, bad mother. He made her say the nastiest things. She said it, with tears in her eyes she said it. I had to threaten to call the cops and say he’s trying to kidnap her Bc that’s what he said he was going to do. He finally let her go and she said “mommy I’m sorry I didn’t mean that, I’m a bad girl” that broke my heart. I tried to be civil with him for the sake of  our kid. But at what cost ? Nah. Fck that. He saw her about 2 more times after that and now it’s been almost 7 years and he hasn’t seen her since. He popped up at my family’s house recently. Can you believe that? After 7 years. No birthday calls, no xmas calls, NOTHING. He pops up after 9pm on a school night, asking my uncle where we live at.. my uncle said he doesn’t know and even if he did he would NEVER tell him. Why would he ? My daughter is living a pretty good life. She goes to baseball games with her step dad, travels, goes to a good private school, she’s doing all of this without him. I reached out to him and he said, that ppl make mistakes and goes through trials and tribulations. Lol. Really ? I forgot to mention that while we were together he had another gf. At this point we were married. He got his gf pregnant, and had twins. He’s never been there for them or for my daughter. Ever. So why now? It was a few days before Father’s Day that’s why! He wanted to see them after not seeing them for most of their life.. Bc it was Father’s Day. So I said oh Bc it’s Father’s Day you want to see her, and he said “no, I forgot it was Father’s Day, that day don’t mean shit to me anyways”. I asked him to rilinquish his rights and he said no. So now, I’m planning on going to court. Hopefully, he doesn’t show up and makes this easy AF.