A short(ish) update maybe? I dont know.

 As you can clearly see, I have not hurt myself. Life got really stupidly busy, Roxie moved in, and the internet as a whole kind of fell by the wayside. What have I done… hmmm. Well, I moved into the corner apartment with an even better view, then ended up filing suit against the landlord and winning. Got a house now. I’m still in school. I begin my clinicals next week which kind of scares me but I know I’ll be good at it. (Even people that hate me now know and will tell you that I was always good at taking care of sick people.) My house is a neat little house in the tiny town of Kalama, Washington. (If any of you are fans of Twilight, the school and parking lot scenes from the movie were filmed at the highschool right up the road from here.) There’s a creek running through the back yard, and it runs down the hill to the river. I spent a lot of time over the past few days diverting the creek a bit and shoring up the wall that’s there. Apparently when the snow melts the mountain runoff can make the little creek flood. So I’m trying to prepare in advance for that. Kalama is a very small town. Look it up. 2.3 square miles in the city. But it’s lovely here. Very quiet, good people. Really lets you sit back and relax and reflect. Especially in the back yard, where there is a covered fire pit next to the creek and a canopy nearby. Put chairs under it and sip something nice while listening to the sounds of the small world.

On that note; it’s funny to me how people forget their wrongs. Or chose not to admit them. There was a time in my life – a very turbulent time – wherein I was not a very good person. But, being on the inside I can honestly say that it was because I was afraid. I was afraid of speaking up about things that I felt strongly about, for fear of losing those close to me. So I tried to shove things inside. This obviously didn’t work and people, myself included, got hurt. Physically, emotionally, and mentally. I’ll never forget one afternoon in Georgia with an ex’s hands wrapped around my throat and her telling me "I will kill you. You will die by my hand." I’m not innocent in this by any means, I had my hands on hers too. We were locked into a death spiral – in front of two of our friends who just kind of sat there like "holy shit is this really happening?" I can’t count the number of times I’ve been kicked, hit, slapped, insulted, and swallowed it. I also can’t count the number of times I’ve delivered the same treatment. There are times when I want to reach out and just say hello. But I don’t. Mostly because these times are fleeting, and this contact would cause nothing but hurt down the line. The people I surrounded myself with were and are still prideful – and so am I. But also because I know deep down there would be no point, nothing good could come of it. So – to those that know who they are – I really, truly hope that happiness finds you and sits beside you for the rest of your time. Not only that, but peace as well.  Peace like I hope to find someday, and am on my way to finding. 

There’s so much more I want to say. Things have never been better for me. I have lost 25 pounds and am down to my goal weight – I’m in the best shape of my life, and am on track with a career that I want deeply. My relationship with Roxie has gotten so much stronger lately. I don’t really know how to describe it. It’s weird, because the fear that I mentioned earlier doesn’t exist with her. I open up and tell her what I feel, exactly as I feel it. Even if it takes a while to get it out. IF she gets impatient, I know she’ll come back around and ask what I meant later, and I’m okay with that. So, for now, things are good. And I’m loving the calm.