Without That…

Despite everything that has happened, fighting with Cody and everything, it still hurts.  Even though I have reason to hate him, I remember the good moments.  I remember how happy I was when I was around him and I’m terrified that I’ll never feel that again and worse, I’m even more afraid of losing it again.

I see shadows in my mind, of him, memories…in my bed reading schoolwork next to him, holding me in my bathroom doorway, kissing me goodbye as he walked out my door, sitting in my piano chair.  He’s everywhere.  In my apartment, at my job, movies, school,…I can’t drive on the the highway without remembering the first night we kissed, him reaching behind his seat to touch my leg on the way back form the beach.

Without that feeling, life is nothing.  There’s nothing appealing.