Do I Win?

I don’t think it is about winning and losing or right and wrong. Do you feel better or worse? If you feel better, genuinely, then I think you are winning. If it made you feel worse, you aren’t winning.

People are douches…

You win for sure. (somewhat odd to come back to an entry like this btw) Been a while since we talked, and I always did enjoy you, so I figured I’d ring you up and see if you were willing for a chat again. :O Most of teh womenz aren’t that smart and most of teh menz aren’t that interesting so ya. 🙁 Tell me something amazing and interesting and new!

Yeah, I caught that, I hadn’t read the past few entries when I noted because it was late and I was tired. Sorry to hear that. I kinda thought it’d go that way though. The guy you’re looking for does exist though, I’m sure of it. You’re not really asking for that much honestly. So until you stumble upon this time, it’s better for you to be like that, logic > emotion and whatnot. That’s where…

…I am myself atm. As far as what’s happened to me…lost my job and I’m having absolutely no luck finding a new one. Not even burger king. -_- It’ll happen eventually though. All I gotta do is get in and I’ll be hired FT because I work hard as **** compared to other ppl in our generation. Kids from our generation just have no work ethic! That’s the main physical bit of my life…

Emotionally I’m still going back and forth from stable and good to crazy and out there. Being less and less emotional though because most people disappoint me. :[ So I guess other than the job I’m pretty much still me. I like my little worlds though, they stimulate me AND make me happy. :] Really though, I’ve always thought you to be perfectly reasonable about relationships…

…like with this guy right here. It’s 100% PERFECTLY REASONABLE to expect a fast text back. I’d be just as pissed, if not more so at the ignoring. And after the reaction I would’ve flipped out prob worse than you did. I actually have in the past with my pseudo-gf who I don’t know quite what to do with. I dunno, people suck. AND IT MAKES ME RAGE! RAWRWRWERRAWR.

*hugs you* Because I felt like it. And you needed one. Mostly the latter, but kinda the former too. I’d bartend if I could. Would prefer to cook though. It’s kinda theraputic once you get used to the heat in a kitchen and moving that derriere. I think you’re right again though, don’t think about finding mr. right. It’ll fall into your lap eventually. Good relationships are like that.

You don’t find them, they find you. You just gotta realize what you have is all. And you being you, you’ll realize I’m sure. You’re all about that falling for someone. ;p Curious, why you up late? Can’t sleep? We could chat and stuffs if you feel like talking to someone. =D Or not too, that’s fine as well. I AM ALL AMORPHOUS AND STUFF, LIKE A CLOUD! And ridiculous tonite. Don’t mind me. >.>

That’s good. Not because it’s a new phase for you, because you always had it in you to do this thing, but because you realize you’re more than capable. Realization you can do something is bigger than actually being able to do it.

It’s not true though. That telling yourself you don’t need anyone, that’s just hoping. Weird…I just wrote a bit entry about hope because someone called me hopeless. But the gist of it suits the conversation at hand…you’re only hoping for it. If you wanted to make it so you could, just like you were able to pull yourself up out of your whole. Your reality is yours to mould.

But I don’t think that’s what you’re doing. It’s more like…a hope so you keep on walking on that path you’re on, so that you can stay alive in a better-seeming place than where you actually are. Why not just choose to be happy where you are? You’re a beautiful intelligent attractive capable woman and there’s much to say for these things. Maybe your situation is bad now, but you can certainly

shape your situation to something that suits you much better. Doin’ it like the cavemen did it, get some rocks and sticks and get’er done. You’re more than capable of that.

Also you should write a new entry. This one is sad and kinda pisses me off that he’d blow you off like that. What an asshat. I mean I can be a doucheballoon too, but at least I do it for the right reasons to the ****ty people. Yeesh. I just wanna bite him. In the face.

Also I should prob correct you before you go too long about the attractive bit; it’s not really your looks when I say beautiful or attractive. I mean sure you look very nice, but you’re no pale redheaded hottie. Yowsa! It’s more the combination of everything and your ideas honestly. Physical attractiveness, for me and others like me (and they are legion) is really (not unimportant but) secondary.

Anddddddd I should’ve kept reading the rest of your notes instead of responding piece by piece, because you just said almost the same thing. Lol. None of those things in an overarching sense are unique, sure, but the combination is. If we’re talking unique you have to talk your aspirations and idealism as well in combination with the rest. You are not *girl who plays games*

You are not *girl who is pretty* You are not *girl who is smart* You are not *girl who likes fantasy* You are not *girl with ups and downs.* These things are all superfluous, shallow things that ultimately mean nothing outside of themselves. The REASON you like games, the REASON you are intelligent, the REASON you like fantasy and have ups and downs, THAT is who you are and why you are unique.

Just because millions of people do a thing doesn’t mean they do it in the same way, or for the same reasons. You’re pretty god damn rare you know, just the same as I am. Now there might be 3 or 4 people pretty similar to us across the world, we’re pretty god damn rare and should revel in that instead of trying to nestle into the majority.

But even if you weren’t unique (and you clearly are), there would still be plenty of point. Helping other people is a point. Or just fulfilling your own aspirations whether they’re physical emotional or intellectual. I remember you, you know, you can feel the same way I do about lightning about other things. You can reach THAT height and feel so amazing where others cannot. You could live for that

You could also live for others like I said before. Maybe they don’t need you in a ‘omg if i’m not married to this girl and have her constant attention every day I’m gonna melt down into oblivion’ or in a mother-child sense, but you can seriously impact lives. I did every day I worked as a cook. I worked with a bunch of younger boys and mostly girls, and we’d talk. I helped prepare them for a

working life by being hard, but fair, teaching em work ethic, helping them with strategies with dealing with frustrating people and with income and WD-40s and all that jazz. Things no one ever thought it important to teach me. Also I feel I was a good role model too for when they themselves become bosses. Like Selena and Jim were role models for me, helping me to be a good boss like they were.

I can think of a lot of ways that, you being a bartender, could seriously impact other peoples’ lives without becoming very intangled in them. Just listening to someone can be enough. Especially as a woman, you can do a lot for a man ****ed up in the head because of some other woman. Or if that bothers you because some guys can be totttaallllly creepy if you give them a little time of day, you

could just troll OD til you find someone who speaks to you and help them with their own problems. I kinda do that myself at times. I’ve seriously impacted quite a few lives in that way. Bree for one, Krystal for another, Kate for a third….and Ashley and (I think) natalie. I’m sure there are others, too. Just because they don’t realize they need you doesn’t mean they don’t need you. ;p

*taps your nose* Maybe not your favored callings, but the options are there to be necessary and worthwhile if that’s really what is important to you and you want to find them. What do you play? And do you sing? You should play and sing for me! ESPECIALLY IF ITS PIANO OR ACOUSTIC GUITAR, omgosh.

……..we have the most epic multinote conversations ever. I don’t do this with anyone else really. It’s ridiculous, if you want me to tone it down lemme know. It just seems to happen.

Well that’s good. Rawr-er-er. What do you play? I’ll youtube it or download it. Interested in what you listen to.

Also, have you ever played portal?

You told me what you were listening to without….telling me what you were telling me! Gimme some names to google damnit! xD I used to play trombone, learned a bit of piano at school and was president of choir. It got all the babes! Rawr, choir whore! Cept at that point I wasn’t a whore. D= Chances, WASTED. I don’t have my old skill at all though. I’m very average now. Or less than.

I love those things too though. My favoritez! Has a lot of things going on in there if you feel it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Ls9A_F3XFU As far as dubstep I don’t dabble too much. But this one has a great story behind it for me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GY30jaKhC7w Gonna do an entry about music I’ve been listening to. This has inspired me. If you’re interested, more there.

I’m all about the horrorist for blasting bass. I’ve always tended more toward industrial sounds for that kinda thing. No happy hardcore for me. I really enjoy fine frenzy. Electric twist makes me smile so much. ;d

There. I’m not sure you’ll like the first three, but hopefully the other ones you’ll enjoy. Especially the last one I edited in.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BrhA0sEkuaM&feature=youtube_gdata_player

I was going to write something. But, there are enough comments here.