What I Want

From January 30, 2002 "What I Want"

"You know what I want?  A guy with a few idiosyncrasies.  I want a guy with an artistic, yet slightly strange, streak. I want someone eloquent, who likes words.  Someone who understands me.  A guy with intuition, who has no qualms about vocalizing thoughts pertaining to that intuition."

Well, Sam definitely had the intuition and the lack of "qualms about vocalizing thoughts," but he had no love of words.  He was musically talented, but not really strange.  He counted himself as a nerd, but he was actually very normal, though he did understand me on many things.  Yet, there was much he could not understand because he was not open to it.

Cody, on the other hand, definitely had the "artistic, yet slightly strange" thing going for him.  He was eloquent and liked words and had intuition, but he relies too much on his intuition, especially in regards to me.  His intuition told him I would hurt him, but I know I wouldn’t have.  He didn’t have the open-ness that Sam had; the vocalization definitely wasn’t there.  Yet, I think he was capable of understanding me on a much deeper level than Sam ever could. 

*sigh*  Two close hits, the latter closer than the first, but still a miss.  And I find my brain trying to argue that it could’ve worked regardless of the missing pieces, that maybe he just needed more time to open up or whatever, but…I don’t think that line of thought helps me any, so I’ll abandon it.  

It’s funny how people supposedly change so much over time, especially in the things that they want out of life.  Well, my desires in the male counterpart of the species have not seemed to change much at all.  I still want the same things.  Obviously.