Could Use Some Help Interpreting

I hate being as analytical as I am.  It borders on the insane sometimes, I think.  But anyway…this is a conversation I had through texts with the most recent romantic interest of mine.

Me: I miss u :/

Him: I miss u too :

No way! Really? I was worried I mightve scared u away even though u said I didn’t freak you out ><

You didn’t.  I’ve been through a lot so I can empathize with the decision you made.  It makes sense. I just havent’ wanted to bother you. I’m not sure what boundaries you need to keep from getting attached.

I feel like a little birdie that was just kinda chillin on a perch and then someone threw something at me, got me all flustered so I flew up in the air and now I’ve calmed down…looking around for my perch but unsure whether it wants me to land on it again or not >.> i’m so lame

lol. i’m not sure what you mean.  you said you wanted to keep from getting attached, what does that entail?

i can handle getting attached ;P is it too late to blame the few beers i had for that night?  lol i was just caught off guard…catapulted into a mindset i had when i was first going through the breakup with my ex…the though of being alone terrified me cuz I didn’t know anyone here but things aren’t the same now…i’m not the same. honestly, the though of cutting everything off makes me feel like i’m looking at the world in dvd quality when before it was in blu-ray.

lol nerd. i definitely don’t want to cut everything off. I told you that.  But I don’t think pursuing anything beyond a friendship now would be smart.

well what were we before?

well we were sleeping together and spending the night at each others places.  I considered us dating.

so u dont’ want to date now?  Ugh…i did mess things up didn’t i?

I’m leaving in December.  You told me that you didn’t want to get more attached because it is devastating to you when things end.  I don’t think it would be intelligent to date because it definitely leads to attachment, and I’m definitely leaving.  I still want to hang out with you.  I just don’t want to be the cause of any pain when I leave.

Well, it would be hard for me to be around and not want to be affectionate and it hurts anyway to think that u just want to be friends and nothing else now.  I have more control than it seemed I did from the other night. And knowing makes all the difference…it would be different if we had kept going like that and then I found out like right before you left. But if you feel differently now, I definitely don’t want to be obnoxious by trying to make things go back to the way they were.

the only reason I don’t want to be more than friends now is because when I told you that I enjoy things while they last because everything ends, you told me you were definitely not that way.  I don’t want you to get attached to me because I am definitely leaving in 3 months.

I’m already attached silly 😛 so it hurts already…..i also told you i’m paradoxical and capable of oscillating between perspectives…in addition to me admitting that i was being a bit dramatic…if thats what has changed your mind it shouldn’t.  i’m here if u want me and i’m a big girl…u don’t need to worry about me in that aspect.

what’s there to keep you from oscillating back to that perspective when i leave?

lol, like i said…knowing makes ALL the difference…looking back at the worst times in my life..pain was only bad when it caught me out of nowhere…anything else can be prepared for.  if i hurt, it will be productive…if i cry…it will be because i want to..because i want to feel something.  you’re the one using art to depict the human condition…you should know that one of the greatest things about life itself is the full spectrum ;P

i agree.  But I’m not going to lie.  It hurt when you just left the other night.  I understood why, but I’m not comfortable enough in the situation to dive right back into it.  I think friends is as far as I’ll let myself go.

Ouch. 🙁 That’ll teach me to keep my mouth shut in the future.  The only reason I left is because I was trying to organize myself…didn’t want you to see me cry.

<span style="c

olor: rgb(0, 204, 255);”>You didn’t make that clear.  You said you needed to go and that you weren’t sure if we could even hang out anymore.  What am I supposed to think?

I know.  I’m sorry.  Really really sorry.  I regret it.  Badly.  Especially if it hurt you and caused this.  🙁 Damn I need a giant bandaid right now.

All I’m saying is I’m not comfortable jumping back into dating.  I would like to continue being your friend, if you’ll let me.

But friends don’t hold hands and I really like your hands :

I’m sorry.  Friendship is all I’m willing to offer :

*sigh* I fail.  Live and learn I guess.  I really should learn to wait things out  before reacting.  Regret is one of the worst emotions ever.

I’m sorry you feel that way. ;

Of course I feel that way 😛 All I wanna do right now is have you hug me and make this feeling go away but I cant’ because I was careless and said all the wrong things and ruined everything with my bad decisions.

Well…I don’t want to impose or be a nuisance…so if you want to spend time with me as friends or whatever…just make the move…i’m following your lead now.

Sorry.  I was on the phone with my stepmom.  I do want to hang out. I will call you 🙂

 

And that’s the majority of it.  He texted me the next day asking if I wanted to go eat, but I had work…which I have a sneaky suspicion he knew already.  I don’t know what to make of it.  I don’t know if he’s being honest…or if I just scared him and he’s not interested anymore.  All I know is …it sucks.