Already Damned

*sigh*  So it must be.  So I must cultivate my imaginative powers so I can create and live vicariously through the manifestations of my idealistic, unsatisfied mind.  If I were ever to believe in hell, it would be that we are in it on this earth.  The spurts of passions we experience being the only respite we have.  Never enough.

Sometimes, I do wish I could start all over at 14 again.  If only I could have this mind back then.  This is true regret, I suppose.  I think my life was where it was supposed to be, somewhere back there.  And I know for sure it derailed when I lost my virginity and entered into that abominable relationship that ruined so much of what I did have.  Where I am now is where I should’ve been years ago.  Or not at all, though I hesitate to add that.

My one true regret is that, I cannot live in the books I read, the games I play, the worlds I see in my own mind.  That is my hell.  I am already damned.