Broke, busted and disgusted

that would be my feelings right now. I’m so ready for change. So ready to be happy and stable financially. I’m not asking to be rich, I’m just asking for breathing room. I want my relationship to be back where it was 4 years ago. The first 5 (of nine years) don’t count. We had major issues and his fear of commitment (the bulk of our issues). It started to get better and more committed 4 years ago. Now things are different and between work, money and this relationship, I feel exhausted and mentally drained.

Most days are great, but it’s not the same. I find myself doubting more and I’m bored as shit cause most of the time we do nothing fun. Sex doesn’t count lol, it’s great and fun, but I mean doing things together, going places. I’m so tired of being broke and not being able to do anything 90% of the time.  

Work is stressful, I work my ass off and have nothing to show. Finding a job is stressful, and so is being reminded that I don’t make as much money as my bf. Doesn’t matter how much I make, I still can’t do shit besides pay bills. I am tired and I need a break from life. I need a vacation away from everything. I wanna love my job and have great pay. I wanna come home to love and not stress. I wanna be happy. Maybe one day I will be…