There are three things that will endure faith,

There are three things that will endure faith, hope, and love and the greatest of these is love
I am a bit lost right now. I am a bit lost and stuck. I am a bit lost, stuck and confused. I just don’t know what to do to make things right anymore. I am caught in something I thought I could handle at the time but am now worried I am going to end up letting everyone down. I want to be free from all of it, I wish there was some easy answer. I am pulled to help, but am begged to stay. It would be the easiest thing to just up and be done with it. All of it. Piss off everyone and just go but I hate that I am not that type of person. The fact that I am so "mature for my age" I feel is one of my largest downfalls. I wish it was easier. My life should be so simple, I have no credit cards, I live with a wonderful person, I am not sick and I have a job. I am very thankful to God for all of those things but yet I have many dark things that are hidden to the lame eye. I wish I had someone to look up to. Some one I could ask about big decisions in my life, I may be wise for my age but I am still only 23 years old. I have to figure this all out alone… oh no now I sound like her. So what! I have to figure this out alone then I will!! I will make decisions and STICK BEHIND THEM! I am not going to say oh woe is me! no way!! I need to break this stupid cycle. That doesn’t mean that I have lost my compassion and mercy just that if I have said I am going to do something I will make sure it gets done and on to the next thing. Yes I will help you, but only if you first help yourself or at least try to. I can try and get you back on your feet but you will be the one who has to walk. You want to disappear from everyone I will still be the on to find you, but be damn sure I will give you a freaking flashlight so you can find your way.I can’t Carry every one’s shortcomings on my back anymore. What about me and mine!? I know I was very blessed to have found my release in art through Gods will, but I get scared to! I don’t like being told that I am a bad fill in the blank ! I am doing the very best I can with out going crazy. How come everyone gets mad at each other for tiny stupid things but I am the reason why people cant pay their debt or why they are so alone or why they can’t find a purpose because I did not talk to them on one particular day! Christ! Am I really that important of a person!??? What does it always fall on me to help?! You know, the last time I opened up to someone really opened up, it was to the last person I would have ever expected. Not that my friends are not there for me, just after they are done telling me whats going on with them they just kinda of glaze over not knowing how to respond, or if they do it feels like spitfire, I know they don’t want to hear my shit! They don’t deserve it either! They have been good pals to me!  Well, I told this person a huge chunk of my personality he hugged me. That’s all, he hugged me. I did not want to admit it but it felt so nice to have someone present. I kept telling him that night (after I had opened up to him) that I always liked it whenever someone found something out about me and did nothing, that I hated pity and never wanted to speak about it again. Well, honestly I want so badly to talk about what I have been through, but every time I am about to I get scared that they A. think that I am lying (its heavy) or B. will use it agencd me later. I made some insanely stupid decisions in my life but do I ever bring them up? ..No way. I try to forget and in hopes it will go away, but that pain I feel from that time in my life will not leave until I can tell someone. Someone I trust, someone who wont pass judgment and someone close to me. I have yet to tell my story to anyone alive in full. Not even my own blood. I have tried, I wont waste my breath on glazed eyes. I wish someone had love for me, This is how I feel tonight empty. I have nothing in me..

1 If I could speak in any language in heaven or on earth but didn’t love others, I would only be making meaningless noise like a loud gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I knew all the mysteries of the future and knew everything about everything, but didn’t love others, what good would I be? And if I had the gift of faith so that I could speak to a mountain and make it move, without love I would be no good to anybody. 3 If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn’t love others, I would be of no value whatsoever.

4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. 6 It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

8 Love will last forever, but prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will all disappear. 9 Now we know only a little, and even the gift of prophecy reveals little! 10 But when the end comes, these special gifts will all disappear.

11 It’s like this: When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child does. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. 12 Now we see things imperfectly as in a poor mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God knows me now.

13 There are three things that will endure faith, hope, and love and the greatest of these is love.