untitled…

It would be nice if the title block would just be left blank…but that isn’t going to happen…not in my life time at least.  Not that it matters….FOD could just ( ) the date in there should the author chose to leave the title blank.  Not all the time do we know what the hell we are going to call our entry when we start.  And most of the time, does it really fucking care what we call it…?  I don’t think so.  It’s not like I go and look at the entries that have been posted and pick and chose by the title of the entry.  Most of the time the title has nothing at all do with the entry that the person writes about.  I know for a fact that some of the crap I have put in here has nothing to do with the title I chose to put in the box…fuck the box…(damn I couldn’t hit that “X”)…not that is matters.  I’m just pissed, and well I knew it was coming.  I have been doing to well for to long to not get pissed about something, and now I have this song on…and well it’s gotten my mood turned, and when that happens, I get pissed.  But what do I have to be pissed about…?  It’s not my feelings that are going to get hurt…it’s hers…so why do I care…?  I care because she is my friend…it’s that simple.  And I told her…but no one believes me.  NO ONE…damn it, listen to me when I tell you I’m the same in person as in on the computer.  I am just in the flesh, and your not going to want to let go.  I had someone fly in to see my this week-end, and well I didn’t want her to come in, but she wasn’t going to not show up.  If it wasn’t this week-end, it would have been next week-end, or a month from now, or two months…you get the point.  She would have come out here no matter what…even if she had to pay for the hole flight.  We halfed the flight…I can do that…and well she wanted to do that.  But anyway, she would have been out here anyway.  Well…if can’t figure it out…she is now in even more love with me than she was before.  And me talking to her about my feelings didn’t help.  I knew I should have told her no to coming out here, but that would not have stopped anything.  She would have been out here on her own…and it would only be worse.  How can you tell someone that your not ready for any kind of relationship…?  And sometimes being friends is even to much…she should be home in a couple more hours though.  The flight back to Chicago was delayed…weather back there was a bit nasty.  I knew that when she was about to leave, what she wanted to tell me.  I can’t say those words to someone the way she was going to say it to me.  I love my friends, and that is what she is…but her feelings for me are far more than friends.  Could I just sit here and drink the night away I would…pass out and wake up in the morning…go to work.  Be hung over and all pissed off there at work.  Just shut everything off…phones, computer…and drink.  I can’t stand Miller Lite, but I have 4 more MICHELOB’s…I won’t be able to taste anything after them…just go and get some rolled tacos before I get to much more in the bottle…that would be so nice.  A drunk fest for Rick for the night.  Then me and my cat will sleep the night away.  Get woke up at 0530 by her and her crying.  Shave, and go…”Oh shit…where is my coffee…?”  Of course that’s not how my night is going to go…because I have to be the good guy, and play taxi driver for people.  I just want a week-end to me…nothing else…nothing more.  Just me…but it doesn’t happen.  Yeah I could say no…and I do every now and then.  I have to say no…or I would just be hit up with far to much shit from people.  Nice guy I am…but I have my limits.