10/25/03 pt2

.  I don’t want to hear your damn voice, I don’t want bull shit, I just want to hear yes or no.  It’s that simple.  I will, and I have cut people off for doing that.  Or when tell you do something, it’s “okay, copy that” or something like that.  Not…”Oh I will do it after I do this…” or “But I don’t want to do that right now…”  Anyway, it’s not a choice here people.  And I am told that by doing this…it’s a “bad” thing…?  Holy shit people, what the fuck kind of Navy is this…?  It’s sure not the Navy I joined 13 years ago.  And there are times I wonder if I should stick it out till 20 years.  What really gets me though, is I know this isn’t how the rest of the fleet is.  This ship is a rarity all to it’s own.  Never have I been to a place that has so much lack of trust to the blue shirt’s that “run” this ship.  We, the E-6 and below are the ones that make this ship what it is.  And to make matters worse, we are the ones that have to pay for the upper chain of command’s fuck ups out in town…?  Now that isn’t right…not right at all.  Never on any of my other ships have I seen, or heard of so many people in the upper chain of command, I’m talking the E-7 and above, and the officers getting into so much trouble out in town.  We had one chief bust a beer bottle over someone’s head…nothing happened to him.  We had one officer on duty leave the ship…!  And she was told that she was not to leave the ship by the Executive Officer.  That is the second in command for those that really don’t know that much about the Military.  Had someone in the blue shirt world done that, he would have been toasted…!  That is disobeying a DIRECT Order from a superior Officer.  No ifs, ands or buts about it…!  Nothing happened to her though…!  And lets not count how many E-7 and above have been late…!  Yet…nothing happens to them.  It’s sad that we are just now getting a new commanding officer.  This deployment could have been so much different with someone else in charge.  Never in all my life have I felt so much like a mushroom.  We were kept so much in the dark, and fed nothing but crap for 7 months.  Bitter…yes I am bitter.  Angry, yes I am angry…but sad that so many people are going to look at this deployment and say…”What the fuck were we doing out there for so long…?”  And a lot of first term people are going to leave the Navy because this command drove them to that route.  When you are underway, you keep the crew informed on what is going on.  You talk to them, you let them know everything that you can.  You don’t let the messdecks be the place where all the talking is done about what we are doing.  Rumors run wild down there, and people believe it, because there isn’t anything else for them to believe.  Not that it will happen, but when we get our cruise books made…on the cover, we should name this deployment, “To Be Determined…”  TBD was the word for so many days…and it was the truth.  We had no idea what the hell we were doing from one day to another.  We didn’t know who we were going to be working for, where we were going to be working, and of course there was no word on when we were going to be heading home.  Now that we are heading that way, we are still being held back. 

Anyway, I need some drugs!  Damn cold…I hate ‘em.  Knew it was coming though.  I’ll go to medical in the morning and get some stuff though.  Hope it helps.  Or at least put me to sleep for the better part of the day.  I’m so tired of getting three to four hour naps and that’s it…!  I wake up because of dreams, or noise, and can’t go back to sleep no matter how long I stay in my pit.  That is one of the reasons why I will have a nice buzz, or be drunk the first night in the hotel room I will be in…that way I will sleep, and sleep threw the night.  At least I better…!  Knowing my luck, I will wake up and it will be to quite and I won’t be able to think.  There won’t be people going to the head all night long, or people walking threw the berthing and talking loudly.  It will just be quiet, and dark…that is one of the reasons why I can’t stay on here for that long.  I will have to get a place to stay out in town.  Even if it’s just a room somewhere.  There is “room for rents” all over San Diego.  I don’t need much.  Just a place to sleep, and a place for a computer.  Anyway…I’m out…!  Going to get more coffee, and well I’ll try to write more soon…