A Certain Misjudgement Sometimes.

Hello once again. Had a long hiatus due to certain stuff. well i guess life has still been melancholic for me. Even after all the shit of exams out of the way, it somehow got worst now i guess. Too many misunderstandings. Too much of condescending beliefs. I guess it all doesnt matter, so long as i stay true to myself, no matter what people think or what these fools make out of me, their words do not mean anything to me. I am in control of my actions and thoughts and beliefs. Damn you if u try to assert yours into mine. I am my own, and nothing will ever change that. I am not stupid. I am not oblivious. I have not degenerated in anyway. And i will certainly not waste my breath in arguing or trying to convince the pitiful beliefs of others. Sad.

Happiness. I guess its something that most people want but it always seems so elusive. But i’m not saying some have not, but the majority are still searching. It comes in many forms, such as love, family, work and yes, even money. For me, im still looking and hoping. Somehow, i’ve forgotten how to really smile and be happy. Too many things stands in the way. And i wonder when will i ever find it again. I found it sometime ago but then i lost it again. I guess, i wasnt ready. I like to observe my surroundings. I always admire children. I guess they are the ones who know what happiness means. Without the taint of so many "evils" surrounding the world today, they are oblivious and so innocent. The smiles on their faces, sometimes make me wonder. "So young and innocent, uncared and totally oblivious to the world of hatred, grief, sorrow, pain, sins. A pity the smiles will soon turn sour, when youth fades and the world comes to their faces." and i always tell them silently in thought to enjoy their freedom, though they might not think they have it. but i think they have the most freedom of all. As those out of childhood are more restricted in every aspect of life then these children are. so i ask did freedom ever really come. enjoy it and cherish it, don’t grow up so fast. haha. 

As Elvis once said, only fools rush in. I bet there are many fools out there haha. I guess i’ve learnt, never to rush into things that you are unaware or uncertain of. but then again, that takes out the fun of doing things. But then again, some things might pop right out and bite you in the ass too. While for those who have had their asses bitten or totally chewed off, i guess its natural that we all want to go back, and undo the wrongs. However as much as we want to believe it, we can’t. I’ve made some rash decisions before and i think i will do them again. But i’m learning to be more careful in a sense. Because some things do really hurt. And as they say time heals all wounds, i say thats nonsense. Yes, the wounds will heal, but the scars will remain. This being said, i carry with me burdens inside, and they always seek to pull me further deep into the sea of sorrow, which i can say is at neckline at the moment.

We all bear the consequences of our misjudgements.

Well I say that the wise man will learn from his mistakes and not repeat them ever again. However the fool will always think he is right and never learn and will always commit the same mistake over and over.

But i tell you. sometimes, the wise man is a fool.

I hope i find my happiness sooner then later, because, yes. It is painful to be living like that. In the deepest most silent and loneliest moments, the pain always seems to come back and haunt me, relentlessly and never wanting to leave me alone. So much so, it has become a physical feeling i can feel inside me. And i pray for me and for the millions of others alike, that we may soon smile again sometime. But in the mean time, perservere and hold on, for tomorrow. And yes, try to smile again.

Cheers, till next time.

Juls