Boy Interrupted

So Donny tells me that he has this movie saved on our DVR to watch. I had taken my time getting to it, knowing from the title that I was going to need to give this undivided attention. What I didn’t expect, was this to be a true documentary on the demise of a boy, haunted by demons within himself.

I sat thru 120 minutes of horrible truths, a boy who at the age of 5 decided that he wanted to die, and the struggle he faced until he ultimatley took his own life. As i watched, and stared at the pictures…this innocent face with mismatched eyes, his gaze lost to all around him, focused on a time in the future where he’d have decided that life just wasn’t worth living…I saw the demons. I saw the sign of what was to come, and it disturbed me. I watched as the thereapist spoke and seemed like he really had no clue as to what he was doing….

I watched this little boy, grow up, almost succesfully on medication, and become one of those kids…who seems to have it all. In just the 45 minutes that had passed, I forgot the details I had read before pressing play, I was routing for this kid to make it, to fight the bi-polar disorder he’d been diagnosed with. I prayed for the Lithium to work…it was as if I knew him. So weird actually.

So when his family had decided that he was “cured” and agreed to take him off the medication, I paniced. As I watched his demise, I begged them to start the meds back up. The closer it got to 120 mins, I knew my prayers would go unanswered…yet I wasn’t prepared when he finally took his life. I cried for what he did, I cried for what he did to his family, I cried because he decided that life just wasn’t worth the effort.

I cried for me.

How many times have I thought…”this hurts so bad, I just don’t want to live anymore”, how many times did I think, maybe if I was dead, people would love me more. Yet, never, ever, would I reach that point where life is just NOT worth the effort. Never did I accept that tomorrow wasn’t going to get better…and I am grateful. For some reason, no matter how depressed I find I can become, I still have hope. As little as it may seem,..my life is devastatingly tragic, really…yet I still have hope, and I can’t imagine life without that hope.

The movie, however, has left me torn, confused, and thinking…and to be quite honest, I don’t think I would have missed out on much if I hadn’t seen the movie…so why did I?