Love Under Will Part 1

January 24th 2010

I am in the middle of a white-knuckle detox.

I don’t remember the last time I bathed her. I am on my knees soaping her funky little body and I say, "Mommy is going to a hospital. It’s a place for people who have trouble with drugs and alcohol." She looks at me, with malice in her little eyes and she says, "You mean…people like you." "Yes baby….people like me." It was the first time I knew what it was like be human. Stripped bare and human….flayed and defenseless. My fingers blur together with her hair and white foam, but I am crying for myself. How ashamed? How miserable? I need to throw up again.She doesn’t say much else…..I can tell she is nervous after calling me out, but mostly she looks relieved.