Leter #7

I know I’m behind with these but will try to get back on track. What I one to come back to. This one was a hard choice between two people but I think there is another letter that fits one of them. Should be no surprise then that this one is to M. Sick of hearing about her yet?

Day 7 – Your Ex-boyfriend/Ex-girlfriend

Dear M,

As I look back over my life, you will always be my what-if. Never did I expect that we’d get in contact again nor did I imagine that the feelings I had for you were still smoldering. It’s funny the different paths our lives led. How would they have been different if we had stayed together either of the times we dated? Would we have eventually had children together; would I ever have gone to college or stayed home to help you raise them? Had things not changed the first time, would I have adopted your children following your divorce all those years later. We were so young then but I honestly considered walking into a ready made family. Is that really why you pushed me away? Would I have let you had I known your true feelings? To this day I cannot believe you came to my wedding and dashed out again before ever I saw you.

In the end though, perhaps things do happen for a reason. I have learned a lot about you over the last year and a half. We’ve talked more now than all our dating time combined. At times I still feel like a moth drawn into your flame but like them, I know that had I gotten too close, I would have been destroyed by your touch. When you told me once that you’d have chewed me up back then, I refused to believe. But now I can deny it no longer. You say you are weaker today but the way you treat me sometimes is so cold and judgmental. How ironic! When we first talked again, you were afraid of me judging you and the things you have done in your life. I have to admit, I would never have guessed some of it. But never did it affect how I thought of you. Not once. So why is it that because I am not the person you think I should be at this point in my life, you feel the need to condescend like you do? Would you really have me be the controlling person you seem drawn to? At least KR seems a decent guy unlike some of your past loves. In fact, he may very well be your soul mate and for that I am tremendously happy for you. Our worlds would never have been compatible and I much prefer mine to yours. It seems much brighter and far less bitter than yours.

I believe things do happen for a reason and our meeting again has had it’s purpose. In some ways it has forced me to take a hard look at myself and see those things I want to change in me. Despite the way you did it, some of your observations helped to. It also helped me to see that the loving, caring person I thought you to be is no more. As for you, I think you appreciate the world you have now and could let go of whatever feelings you still harbored for me.

I don’t know what the future holds for us but will forever be in love with your ghost.

~Scott