i want to see you be brave

 must i comment on how i haven’t written in forever? of course, how else am i supposed to start an entry?

i have been having generally the most busy but awesome summer of my life which has included:

*the adventure park at storrs http://storrsadventurepark.com/
*the beach! maine and rhode island
*run or dye http://www.runordye.com
*the green mountain adventure challenge where we got lost and did a 20 mile hike http://www.greenmountainvermont.com/events/green-mountain-adventure-challenge
*2 really fun weddings
*connecticut and massachusetts wine fests and winery tours and lots of wine in general
*meeting gabby douglas with my girls and this week nastia liukin is coming to our gym!
*club getaway (best. place. ever) http://www.clubgetaway.com
*luke bryan and florida georgia line (yum)

and then lots of hiking the dogs, running, zumba, pool, bonfires, parties, fireworks, SWEETFROG and lots of going out the eat, etc.

plus working a TON, but i can barely even consider nannying to be working anymore.  the girls are 12 and 14 now and i seriously love hanging out with them so much that i get sad when they go away for a week even though i’m still paid.  they are my little (though taller than me) shopping and fitness buddies and i am beyond sad that the summer is almost over and it is my last summer with them.  i have been nannying them full-time in the summers since they were 4 and 6.

gymnastics, on the other hand, has been super stressful and if i have to deal with one more compound fracture i swear i will walk out and never come back.  it’s the year of injuries and difficult parents, apparently, and it is not enjoyable in the least.

i got my clinical placements for the fall and they are at very difficult hospitals where the patient’s lives will often be literally dependent on me not fucking up.  i feel like i’m going to throw up every time i think about it and can it please please please just stay summer forever?? i lay awake at night being absolutely petrified of the semester starting.

i am "training" for a half marathon.  I have a specific one that i’m planning on doing mid-september, but i haven’t signed up for it yet because i don’t want to fail. i have been running a lot but generally only a few miles at a time. i ran a little over 5 miles by myself today  with the help of my third eye blind pandora station and felt proud but then i thought "8 MORE miles??"  i just know that if i sign up and pay for it and take the time for it and then i walk at all i’ll hate myself. i just feel like right now i really need to accomplish something that i told myself i was never capable of.  i guess i need running to be my metaphor for nursing school because i just have so much doubt, i need to prove to myself that i am stronger than i think.

i miss this place. i’m always reading, even if i’m not noting.