1/6/2005

frail attempts at humor. Stand still day, late at night i pray for forgivness. Divine hands holding me up. And it’s up down touch the ground, feel the way to a new day. Slow sad goodbyes. Wish i had more time with you. Disgust is all i feel eminating from your lips.

Sweet and sour spit flaking off your tounge. Disease filled lungs. Coughing up lies. Tales of deciet. Always one foot deep seated in ambiguity. ry to push my buttons. New and improved with a new lease on life. Forget about the things we thought we knew. I’m amazed i made it this far.

I fucked it all up. Waited once again till the last second, i need to stop this dance. This merrygoround of procrastination. It’s dragging me down. I’m off, and away bring me that brand new day. Late at night i wonder what if.

Write it down, all the things i wanted to say to you. Read it out loud all the things i never got to do. Burn it down to the ground, i found it’s just another sleepless night without you. I want an eternity without you. Feel free to fall down.

Right as rain. Sunshine hurts my eyes. IT’s hot and cold searching for something that just isn’t there. I’m still waiting for you to call me. You let me fall down again. You let me stay around again, waiting for something new, never again it’s just like before this is the end i’m fucking through.

Couldn’t say i hated you. Never got the expression till i drew out my own conclusions. I’m stuck with my own delussions. Need something i just can’t have. I would have done anything to stay with you. Those phone calls meant more to me then even you could know. Sit and hold me till the sun comes up. shadows passing by on long day trips. Just another way to rip into me.

I sat around my eyes full of tears for you. Can’t understand the fear you instilled me, wonder how you even knew to call. Know it now it was never what i thought it was. Always going to be the same with you. Wish i was without fault on this one. It’s all the same to you. This is just me telling you i’m in love with you.