Lawn Wars: Entry 1

One by one, with heads bowed in respect, each of us said a few words of condolence and offered our support to our friend and neighbor Roger who had just lost his beloved Christie. A couple of us guys had a funny anecdote to tell, you know to try and lighten the mood of the occasion. But, really, what can you say? “Well Rog, it was just meant to be” or “At least she went quickly and didn’t suffer” or even the old classic, “Hey, at least you had some good times riding her…oh, wait, what I meant was, everything happens for a reason”. No matter what you say, the most important thing is that our buddy knew that he wasn’t alone in his bereavement. He had us gang of pals to comfort him in his time of need and to help him drink his beer.
As we sat in silent contemplation, the door suddenly opened and Rogers’ wife Erin appeared carrying a plastic trash bag and put it in the garbage bin. She looked at all of us and slowly shook her head. “Are you serious? Grown men sitting around in a garage moping over a stupid broken riding lawn mower?” She scanned our faces, then rolled her eyes and mumbled under her breath as she went back into the house.
Us guys looked at each other and shrugged. It will be an eternal mystery to me as to why some people can’t understand the important things in life such as outdoor grills, or gianormously over-sized televisions, or a favorite pair of ripped but still functional pair of boxers. I mean, we all have a hierarchy of importance concerning our existence such as weddings, or the births of our children (all meaningful enough life events), but come on…’stupid lawnmower’…really? The same lawnmower that devotedly cuts your family’s lawn so that you can walk barefoot or enjoy a nice backyard cookout? The same lawnmower that battles back the hordes of Bermuda grass that would run amok through the streets and swallow your house? That lawn mower?
Well, all that I have to say to that is ‘hmmmph’. Riding lawn mowers pretty much made this country the great country that it is today. Yeah, yeah, I know that the automobile, and penicillin and the all-you-can-eat buffet contributed to America’s rise to the ultimate super power somewhat, but let’s be realistic here. Why, I bet that it won’t be long until a riding lawn mower is elected President! Can you imagine a balanced, zero-turn budget! Or a national healthcare bill that covers both two-stroke and four-stroke engines! “Oh say can you mulch…”
So, ladies and gentlemen, start your engines because mowing season is upon us once again. Here’s to the guys, and of course, the gals, that cut, weed, trim and edge their personal expanse of paradise. Have fun and remember…no matter how humble, there’s no grass like mown…
Oh, and since you asked…Roger named his beloved Christie after Christie Brinkley. Mine is  named after Julliette Binoche…what is yours named?
Take care.