Monday Morning Jezebel

So, Monday Morning strolls into my kitchen as I am leaning on the counter, half-awake and begging my coffee maker to hurry up and finish brewing. Looking like she has just won the ‘Ho of the Year’ award, Monday Morning’s high-heeled Stilettos sound like hooves clicking on the tile as she saunters up to me.

“How ya doin Moonliteman. Did ya miss me?”

I peer at her through half-closed eyes and mumble, “What are you doing here, it isn’t time for you yet.”

She forms her gaudily painted red lips into a sarcastic smirk and replies, “Look at the calendar bright boy, the weekend is over and now it’s all about me!”

I groan and wonder why the coffee maker is taking so long.

Innocently batting her mascara caked lashes at me she asks, “What’s the matter? Aren’t ya glad to see me?’

“I am never glad to see you."

Feigning a hurt look she counters with, “After all that I do for you, this is how you treat me?”

“What? I’ll tell you what you do for me! You come in here and start the week off badly. Then you try to influence the other days of the week into giving me trouble. Why don’t you try being nice every once in a while!”

My head is starting to hurt and I want to go back to sleep.

“Well, baby cakes, I am not as lively as Friday and Saturday, or as peaceful as that Sunday wench that you like to write about, but ya gotta admit, I certainly leave a bigger impression.” With that she opens my refrigerator, gulps down my last soda, then belches in my face.

Grabbing my crotch and twisting forcefully, she hisses, “And you better believe that I’ve got a really fun day planned for you!”

She leaves me doubled over, gasping for breath and I hear her laughing maniacally as she kicks down my neighbor’s door and drags him screaming into the new week.

Monday Morning is such a hussy, don’t you think?

Take care.