Why goats are Evil (conclusion)

Making my way to the side of the trailer I urgently reached my arm through the slot and started to wave frantically. I listened intently for the sound of the truck’s engine to change it’s volume and announce it’s slowing down. Hmmmmm, maybe my step-dad was changing the station and didn’t see. I tried harder, flailing my arm up and down as if I were trying to take flight. Still no change in the speed of the truck. Charlie joined me and we pushed up against the side of the trailer reaching out as far as we could. Still nothing. It was starting to get dark and now that we were soaked in goat stuff, it was becoming cold. We continued our flapping gestures in desperation, taking turns until our arms wore out.

The trailer rumbled onward.

As darkness closed in Charlie tried a final strategy. By now we had stripped off our filthy shirts and pants. Charlie held his shirt outside of the trailer and it flapped like a soiled banner in the wind. There was no way that it could go unnoticed and it wasn’t. A car with an elderly couple pulled up beside the trailer and their mouths dropped southward as they stared at the sight of Charlie’s grimy, distressed face, along with dozens of curious goats peering back at them. I was looking through a small air vent at the front of the compartment and I could see the couple as they pulled alongside the truck and started honking their horn. The dashboard lights illuminated the truck enough so that I could see the silhouetted shape of my mother’s head, blissfully sleeping on my step-dad’s shoulder. I saw him turn towards the car and give them a sociable wave of the hand. The car’s occupants were pointing back towards the trailer and their animated motions showed that they were pleading our case with sincerity. Again, my step-dad offered a nice ‘howdy do to you too’ wave and then ignored the car. After a few miles I saw the driver of the car raise his hands in resignation and they drove off on their merry way. Well, at least they tried.

Charlie and I accepted our fate and tried to manage a little sleep. It wasn’t the easiest thing to do because these goats turned out to literally be party animals. They bleated, snorted, butted, and generally had a great time. The ones that had been separated with us when we had shut the gate, were somewhat compassionate, but I guess they were still a bit hungry because they started nibbling on what little clothing we had left. At one point I was rudely awakened by a sharp pain on top of my head and I opened my eyes in time to see one of my cellmates chewing on a big clump of my hair.

Finally our long journey came to an end as the truck and trailer pulled into the livestock auction and they opened the gate to unload the goats. It’s hard to describe the looks of astonishment on the unloaders faces as the herd of goats joyfully leapt out followed by two of the most pitiful looking creatures ever witnessed by human eyes. Charlie and I were dressed in our underwear, covered with cotton from the torn sleeping bags and decorated gaily with goat pellet ornaments. We looked slightly un-presentable to say the least.

 
You might think that Charlie and I would have been furious over this treatment and we were for a few days. But, we also loved a good joke and we knew that my step-dad wasn’t a mean person. From day one he took us kids as his own to raise and I could not have asked for a better father. In no time, Charlie and I were out running the roads with him and laughing just as hard about our mis-adventure. To tell the truth…I would have probably done the same thing. You see, my halo also has a few smudges of mischief on it. Just ask my daughters, I’m sure that they have plenty to say on that subject.

As for goats, I really don’t think that they are evil. My parents still raise a few and the girls and me get a kick out of going out there and feeding them. They really make good pets and they have hilarious personalities. Still, I can’t help but feel a little bit nervous when they crowd around me, especially when I’m in my underwear. I mean with goats, you just never know!

Take care.