Time for Changes

It is amazing really, the amount of changes that can happen in the span of thirty minutes. One moment, I am walking through the doors at work, a smile not far from my lips, the next, I am in  a meeting with my Boss. Who sugarcoats our conversation, then gets to the point. After October first, I may not have a job. Then she looks at me, askes with a pitiful voice, are you pissed with me?

I lied when I said that I was not. Rage coursed through my blood, it beat with every pump of my heart…and you pissed with me? I put on a show, I say no. Pissed hardly begun to describe what I was. I left her office, I went home. I fought back the tears that wanted to follow. I went back to work that afternoon, I smiled, I played my part. I died.

Later that night, I talked to a friend of mine over MSN. I wish I could say that our conversation was a good one, but that would be another lie. Instead, I tried to pick a fight, did I mention that I lost this fight I picked? We argued over things that we should not have argued about, all because I was thick headed.

The next day at work.

My alarm went off at six am. I thought about ignoring the alarm and going back to sleep. But as one of my supervisors likes the say, I am a man of integrity. I got up and put on another show, only this one was not as convincing as my last show. I told my coworkers what had went down. They all asked me the same thing, are they insane? They are loosing the best person to work the front line that they have ever had.

I smiled. And this time, it was not a show. It was real.

So I put in for a transfer through work, and hopefully I get my transfer.

Over the past few days, I have taken a good hard look at my life, the places that I am, where I want to be, and who I want to be. I found that I am not where I want to be, I am not who I want to be, and the person that means the world to me, is far away from me right now.

“One time, a long time ago, there was a simple man.”