Pride Month
So June is traditionally Pride month for our community, and Saturday was our local Pride festival. We were only able to stay about an hour due to storms that swept through the area, but it was fun while it lasted. We had our kiddo with us, who is 10 and is on the autism spectrum, so we knew he wouldn’t handle getting wet very well. It was easier to just leave and avoid the meltdown as badly as I wanted to stay. I’m just bummed as this is only my second year being able to go, and last year we had to leave early, too, because of other commitments. I was thankful I could go, though, at least for a bit.
What I don’t understand about Saturday (or really, in general) is how some people can be so dense as to think the world is so black and white when it comes to sexuality. I identify as pansexual. I know a lot of people who see it as a fancy way of saying bi, but for me it’s different. For others, it is one in the same, and that’s perfectly okay, but it’s not what fits me, and that’s okay, too. I was trying to explain it to a friend of mine, who’s a white, cis, straight male, and he just wasn’t getting it. Okay, fine, no big deal… I mentioned that while some bi people don’t include trans individuals, pan includes ALL gender identities. And then he went off on how “if a person has a dick, then it’s a dude regardless of how they feel…” blah blah blah… and I was truly stunned. Our other friends (all white, cis, straight males) started egging him on, and I was just at a loss. I was shocked and at an absolute loss for words as to how these guys, all friends of mine for at minimum 10 years (a few nearing 20 years) could be so closed-minded and disrespectful AT MY OWN HOME. I’m hurt. This was two days ago, and I’m still reeling. I spoke with Zip (my husband) about it later, and he kinda took their side, which just threw me for another loop. He excused it by saying “they just don’t understand it.” That doesn’t make it okay. If you don’t understand something, then ask questions and TRY to understand. *sigh* Needless to say I’m frustrated at Zip and more than a little upset at most of my gaming friends. And I’m hurt to the core. I told Zip I don’t need people like that in my life, people who won’t even try to understand where I’m coming from and continue to live in their little bigoted world. They are the ones missing out. I’m not sure what to do at this point, and it’s obvious my husband isn’t going to stick up for me with his friends, so here I am on my own on this one. People piss me off.
~Student of life
Ugh, people can be so close-minded, just because they are not comfortable with a concept that is unknown to them. I hope that they find a way to be more understanding, what you’re trying to get them to see is really not that difficult 🙂
@thediarymaster It makes me sad to know friends I’ve had for YEARS could be so insensitive. Thank you for the kind words of encouragement. Closed minds should keep closed mouths 😉
@studentoflife that’s a good saying, I’m going to use that!
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My best friend in the world was born in a male body. “He” had a dick but “he” was a female inside. “He” was my soul sistah and I miss her every single day for the last 8 yrs. I hear you. I understand your upset. I send hugs if you want them!
@snarkle I’m sure she was a lovely person. Thank you for sharing. Hugs back to you. Did she pass away or did you two just lose touch? Don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, but I’m curious. I know suicide is very prevalent in the trans community. It breaks my heart.
@studentoflife She took her life. This was a most powerful act on her part and on everyone who loved her. “He” had a brain cancer. It was a very aggressive cancer that typically only occurs in women. I teased “him” that this proved “he” really WAS a woman inside a man’s body. (I will use he since he was not out per se). He told us he was going to go for quality rather than quantity of time. The cancer only responded to radiation and surgical removal… and then 80% of the time it would grow back in the same place. He told us when he was no longer able to live comfortably, he would take his life. The plan was to move up to a Death With Dignity state and do it there. He did not get the time. He lasted about 4 months after diagnosis. His death was overseen by a nurse friend of his in hospice. All quite hush hush. It simply appeared he had curled up and died in his sleep. It was beautiful for me it was agony. I still tend to weep from missing him…. ahhh
@snarkle That was a very powerful act on his part. Such a sad story. I’ve been fortunate enough in my life to not lose someone to suicide as of yet. Granted your friend’s situation was very different from so many others, but a loss like that is still so difficult I’m sure. If ever you need an ear, feel free to reach out.
@studentoflife Thank you hon. Those last few weeks were so powerful. So much squeezed into so little time. I wear a tattoo on my right forearm that is in his memory. Before the cancer happened, I figured I’d go first. I was 13 yrs older and in crappy health. I told him straight out that if anything were to happen to me, I wanted him to take my sons and raise them. He cried so hard “Do you KNOW what you have said? You offered a gay man guardianship over your sons!” I snorted and said “You’re GAY Joe. You’re NOT a pedophile. Of course I want you to raise them. You love them as much as I do.” Damn it if he didn’t die before me.
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I recently attended a drag show that one of my friends was hosting at his place of work. He’s a bartender at a bar out in the suburbs..in a more, shall we say, “conservative” county, far south of the city. Needless to say, some of the regulars had no idea that this was the once a month “show” night. Place was packed…which does tell you something about people’s willingness to try new things and embrace change….but sitting and listening to other people’s conversations…ones that they assumed were private….made me realize that there are huge swaths of the population that are either so sheltered and/or insulated…wrapped in their own bubble….or they are completely resistant to accept anything that might be different from what they know.
Ultimately the night was a success…but I felt sad for the people who just couldn’t find it within themselves to be intellectually curious enough to learn about different subcultures and alternative sexualities.
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On a different note, I dated a young man who would eventually come out as trans….that was six years ago. We’re not still together romantically, but we remain a huge part of each other’s lives, and she’s now fully “complete”. Hormones, surgery…whole nine yards. I realize that’s not everyone’s path, but it was hers…and although I still mourn the loss of my boyfriend, I can only be happy for the new woman I’ve know to come and love.
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