Its getting worse

 i wanted to see a movie so we went to blockbuster by that time George was mad at something and i asked him and he didn’t pay attention to me… then it got worse because the blockbuster pple told us that we owed 37 dollars and that we couldn’t rent until they got they’re movies back….and i told the lady i returned them already and she said that they didnt’ received them yet cause i dropped them off at another store.. well George got even more mad at me… so then we got home and he started yelling at me and this and that and forget it then he started to hit me and now i have a bump that hurts when i touch it in my head….i was so mad..at that moment i seriously wanted to kill myself, all this thoughts came to my mind and i guess George is right i’m not and i will never be a good mother to Ryan so i have to do something. i can’t live like this all my life, one i can’t live with someone who is gonna be beating me, second i can’t be having crap like that and if he wants to take ryan i guess i dont’ have a choice…one always wants the best for our kids and if he thinks that being with him is the best choice well i’m not gonna let him do that….i’m upset that things have to go this way but i guess i have to do what’s better for my son and not for myself…. i really don’t want to live anymore because if George takes away my son than i have nothing for me to look forward….i’m just upset at the fact that things are like this…last night after he hit me he hugged me and told me that he loved me and that that was the reason why he was doing that….because he wanted me to be different…….i dont’ know what to do.