can’t think

So here i am here trying to make sense of my life. i’ve had some real weird dreams, like the other day i had a dream about Baby J, that he was trying to talk to me so we could get back together….but i walked away and found JP and he was flirting with me cause we were at these fund raiser thing for church but i ended up going with Gary and we ended up making out……..makes no sense. i sent Baby J a note about all the dreams i’ve been having about him and he replied and said that i shouldn’t be dreaming of him since of what he has heard, i sent a note back explaining why my dreams are so weird and sometimes become reality and then i asked him what he meant about what he’s heard. I can’t get over him, as much as i tried i can’t. i even went out with a guy who really cared about me and i messed it up just because of that. But how can i get over him. it had been exactly 9 months since i hadn’t had any contact with him and i still can’t forget about him. The other day i was listening to this cumbia song and it reminded me of him because one day like many others he called me and put that song on like many others, then i started thinking about all the songs and all the times he went to visit me to school and i just started to cry. Sometimes i hate it because it sucks, i don’t want to love him but i can’t control it. i wish i could just find someone nice who would treat me right and that i can love because it’s of no use if they treat me right and love me if i don’t love them back. I dont’ want it to happen again like with JP, he was real nice but when he found out about Baby J, he turned into a jerk.