Touring Forgotten Chambers

Ah, mid-October.  That time of year when I have the most trouble trying to forget things.  Five years ago this week, I was making my first trip up to Maryville, Missouri.  Four years ago I was embroiled in a whilwind of emotions, both good and bad, with Rebecca.  Three years ago, I made my third (and final…but by far best) trip to Maryville, Missouri.  If I wasn’t so drawn to my own past, I wouldn’t have remembered these things…but I can never stay away from revisiting for very long.  Especially this time of year.  ::sigh::  It’s not so much that these things still hurt me, or pain me, or bother me.  It’s just that I remember them fondly……..and none of it remains in place.  If that makes any sense at all.  I’m not able to turn to these people and say, "Hey, you remember that time when…" is something to do with it, I guess.  Of course, today’s big activity didn’t help much either.  Returning to the scene of the crime, as it were. 

For the first time since December 14, 2002….I returned to Middle Tennessee State University.

Not much had changed.  Not on the outside of the buildings, anyway.  But everywere I walked, I remembered things.  Some long forgotten, some not.  Some fond, some not.  I did my best to give a coherent tour of campus to C.J. (he’s starting there in the spring, and asked me to go do this), but was just distracted.  There were so many things I lived through on those premises.  I didn’t take them anywhere near any of the three dorm buildings I lived in.  But, like I said, memories lived in every step of campus.  And they all flooded back to me each time I turned my head.  Moreso than I suspected.  Walking a stretch of sidewalk and thinking, "I used to walk here at night after dinner and stare at the sky thinking about her."  Whoever her happened to be at that time.  It was just a lot more to bear than I ever expected the return trip would be.  Mo and Rebecca were around every turn of that campus…

Now I remember why it was so significant to hear Incubus sing, "Nice to know you….goodbyyyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeee!" as I pulled away from there the last time a few years ago.

Now Playing in Dave’s Mental Jukebox:  "Jia Ren Qu" by Zhang Ziyi, "Overburdened" by Disturbed, and "A Different Kind of Pain" by Cold

Sayonara.