Yet Another Survey

This is exactly what I’m talking about.  Survey upon survey upon survey.  Isn’t this the sort of nonsense that you find in your e-mail box, from someone who never sends you anything original but will go out of their way to send you a forward?  For those of you who like surveys and what-not, this one’s for you.  I never take these too seriously so don’t put too much into my responses.  I’m honest though so everything here is truthful and real.  Just what in the hell do we have here anyway?  A sex survey, huh?  How juvenile.  What’s next?  Sneaking into your parents’ room to watch a dirty movie?     

[How do you like holding hands?]  Men don’t really put a lot of thought into all of that.  Holding hands is holding hands and we don’t ponder individual finger placement or the temperature of our palms.  We’d much rather be holding other body parts anyway.   

[What’s the best kind of hug?]  Any hug will suffice.  A hug is usually a prelude to something more intimate, unless the guy does something to mess that up.  For example, bad breath will make any hug a punishment.     

[How do you like being held by a guy/girl?]  Are you trying to say that I’m gay or what?  I don’t mind being held by any female, so long as she’s pretty and she intends to have sex with me.

[Is it more romantic to be touched on your shoulders or back?]  Neither.  The genitals are a much better choice.

[Do you like having your hair played with?] Which hair are you talking about?  Either way, no.  Of all of the body parts on the human body for one to play with, why would anyone select hair?

 

*~Kissing~*

[Where do you put your hands when kissing someone?] Wherever she’ll let me. 

[How many people have you kissed?] Men don’t keep count.  I don’t know.  A lot?   

[When kissing, who makes the first move?] My guess would be whoever wants sex more.  It really doesn’t matter who does what first, so long as the end result is sex. 

[Slow or fast kisses?] Slow, I suppose.  Any time you do something fast, you run the risk of injuriny yourself or someone else.  Besides, some men don’t have sex very often so anything we can do to prolong sex, we’re all for it.  

[Light or deep kisses?] Deep kisses?  Damn, how long is YOUR tongue?  It doesn’t matter really.   

[Do you like French kissing?] Of course.  Anything that involves tongues is good.  Again, unless your breath isn’t right.  Mix in a breath mint, Tic-Tac, Certs, or what have you. 

[Ever try sucking someone’s tongue out of his or her mouth?] Hell no.  I’m horny not hungry. 

[Have tried lightly nibbling on their lower lip?] I’ve done that before, I suppose.  I don’t see the appeal in it personally.  Again, I’m horny not hungry.  

[(If you have one) What does your boyfriend/girlfriend taste like?] Do I really need to say it again, for the third question in a row?  I’m not a cannibal.  How are they supposed to taste?  Salty, like a bed of roses, like pussy, what? 

[Do you worry about your breath/how you taste?] If you were reading my previous responses, you should know my stance on breath.  You don’t have to smell like Listerine right out of the bottle or anything, but please don’t smell like hot garbage.    

[Other than lips, where else do you like kissing?] Anywhere on her body, so long as it won’t get me smacked, beat up, or accused with rape.

[What about other places on YOU that you like having kissed?] Anywhere.  I’m not picky or anything.  Women don’t touch me that often anyway so I don’t have any room to be picky.   

[What’s the most romantic spot on your body to be kissed?] Damn, how many times are you going to ask the same question differently?  I don’t have a special spot or anything.  It really doesn’t matter.  

[Kinkiest?] All right.  I’ll play along, asking the same questions over and over again.  Kinkiest?  How about right under the testicles?  How about that?  Is that what you want to hear?

[Weirdest?] How about the ears?  Or maybe the armpits?  Is that weird enough for you?  You sicko.

[What about kissing really turns you on?] Knowing that if&nb

sp;I do it right, it’ll lead to sex and hopefully breakfast in the morning.    

[What’s the best thing about kissing?] Knowing that it’s a gateway to sex, again, if done correctly.   

[Best position for making out?] Making out is always a good thing.  The position is really irrelevant. 

[Do you like having your nipples sucked?] Hmmm, not really.  That’s more something that men do to women anyway.  I’ll be the  one doing the nipple sucking, if you don’t mind. 

[Licked?] Not to me, but I’ll lick a nipple any day of the week.   

[Bit?] I’ve been known to do that, but there’s just something about sex and teeth that just don’t go together.  Biting is not a habit of mine. 

[Did you know your ears are an erogenous zone?] Indeed.  Just hearing someone else having sex will usually turn me on.  And a woman moaning in almost any circumstance is a turn-on too. 

[Is your belly sensitive?] No, just round.   

[Do you like touching/grabbing/feeling the other person’s butt when you’re making out?] "Like" is a strong word.  I’ll do it but I won’t mind if it doesn’t happen.  There are more important things to worry about than whether I’m grabbing ass. 

[Ever applied your lips/tongue to????] You mean licked in that area?  Anything that will arouse a woman, I’ll do. 

[Any "out there" kind of fetishes?] Nope, nothing like that.  I like large breasts, shapely thighs, and a pretty face just like the next man. 

 

*~"Ooh My!" Touching~*

[Ever done any fingering/hand jobs?] Yeah.  If anything, it’s taught me to keep my fingernails trimmed.    

[Which one?] Just fingering.  I’ve never touched another man’s penis.   

[Had either done to you?] I’ve never been fingered.  The penis is a very sensitive organ as it is.  I don’t need a finger in there.  Yes, I’ve received the occasional hand job.   

[Do you like doing it?] Didn’t you read it when I said it earlier?  I’ve never touched another man’s penis.  Why do you keep asking me that?  I already told you that I wasn’t gay.  Damn.  Anyway, I’m not really into the fingering stuff but then again, I’ve never met a woman who was.  Most women would prefer other things than someone’s finger. 

[How loud can you make someone moan?] You mean in decibels?  I don’t know.  I never considered measuring it. 

[Ever got someone off with just your hands?] Yes, I have.  That’s more of a one-way street though.   

 

*~Oral~*

[Ever done it?] Yes.  Apparently it’s an expectation by most women.   

[On what gender?] Female.  I’ve already said numerous times that I wasn’t gay.  Damn.   

[How many times?] Enough to know I’m good at it.   

[How many people have you done it to?] Enough to tell me that I’m good at it. 

[Ever received it?] Yes.  Yes, I have. 

[How many times from a specific person?] Umm. I don’t know?

[How many people?] Hell, I don’t know.  I’ll take it whenever I can get it, so I tend not to dwell on numbers. 

[Did you like it?] Yes. 

[What’s the best thing about oral?] Having a woman tell me that not only has she never experienced such sensations before but that she’d really like for me to come over again tomorrow.

[The worst?] Finding a woman who likes doing it and is good at it. 

<font face="Book

Antiqua” color=”#339966″ size=”3″>

*~Sex~*

[Are you a virgin?] No.

[When did you lose it?] Spring Break 1999

[Do you regret it?] Not at all.  She was really good. 

[Are you still with the person you lost it to?] No.   

[Were they a virgin?] No

[Was your first time special, so-so, or did it truly bite the big one?] Special.  Good.  Spiritually unlifting.  It was sex.  Sex really isn’t bad, especially when it’s your first time.   

[Did it hurt?] Hurt?  No.  It’s sex, not the World’s Strongest Man Competition. 

[What’s your favorite position?] Missionary. 

[Kinkiest position?] Probably with an animal or non-human species, not that I’ve done that or anything.  I might be horny but damn, not THAT horny.   

[Craziest place ever?] Hell, I don’t know.  I’m not a fan of the in-public thing though.