Solace

I feel overwhelmed in every single facet of my life right now and I’m not handling it well.  When I feel this way, my first instinct is to shut down…to turn off…to avoid and avert and to not have to deal.  Usually I isolate myself for a period of time while I internalize just how I’m feeling, try to figure out and understand just what is making me feel this way, and make some sort of plan for lifting myself out of the funk.  Usually I can convince myself that "this too shall pass" and to keep on trucking and to power forward and do the things I need to do.

This time feels different.

Work is ridiculous right now, law school is ridiculous right now, Kevin is ridiculous right now, my friends are ridiculous right now, my family is ridiculous right now.

I feel like I have no reprieve.  I have no where to go and no one to turn to. 
I know it’s not true and that my friends/family are there for me if and when I need them…
But my stupid self hates seeking consolation. I’m so prideful and stubborn and introverted when it comes to my emotions–especially when I’m feeling so down.  I dont want anyone to know I’m down…I dont want anyone to know I’m not okay.

I don’t want myself to know I’m not okay.

I know I’ll be okay, I always am. 

I just feel alone.  I feel like I have nothing…good and just for me.  No solace.

But who has time for solace?