Been Gone Too Long

Happy to report that my biopsy came back normal…unfortunately I now have to go to the GYN every 4 months to get paps and make sure no new growths appear. 

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I mentioned previously that I am in love.  I am still in love. 

I am not treated the way I should be treated.
I am not considered the way I should be considered.
i am not incorporated the way I should be incorporated.

He’s damaged.  He’s broken.  He’s a committmentphobe.  Everyday is a rollercoaster ride.  Exteme highs, extreme lows.  Some days I feel like I’m in an abusive relationship…for some reason I can’t let go because I know that ONE DAY it will be better. *rollseyes*

When it’s bad, it’s bad…but when it’s good, it’s amazing.

He’s amazing in so many ways.
And he thinks I’m amazing.

But…

I give and give and give.
For 9 months all I’ve done is give.
And for the most part I have recieved very little in return.

Things in the past month have improved wholeheartedly after I threatened to walk away. But, I still keep waiting for the ball to drop.

And Valentine’s Day….OH how he fucked up Valentines Day.

I give him the benefit of the doubt all too often.  I see so much good in him, so many wonderful things.  He just doesn’t know how to harness them and behave in the way he should.

I shouldnt have dealt with it for as long as I have.

But I love him.
He’s an idiot. 
But I love him.

And he’ll be sorry when I’m gone.  Because I will be gone. 

I hate myself some days.