I just don’t know

I always come back here when I have nowhere else to turn.  I guess that’s a good thing, but it just goes to show how many times in my life I have felt like absolute shit.  We had the fight to end all fights.  We’re done.  I told him to have a good life, and I wanted him to be happy.  He told me he loved me at one point, but not anymore.  He said I was being crazy.  I already know I’m crazy.  I know all this.  I don’t need it shoved in my face.  I know how much I hate myself and I know that I’m not worth his time.  I have nowhere to go from here.  I want no one but him, but that doesn’t matter.  I can’t have him.  He doesn’t want me.  I did so much for him, I loved him with all my heart.  And I get nothing in return.  I loved him so much and it’s not fair.  Why don’t I ever get the things I want?  Nothing ever works out in my favor.  It was the smallest window, when he told me he loved me.  It was there, I felt what it was like to be loved, and then it disappeared just as quickly as it came.  He was the only one, I’ll never have anyone again.  I don’t want anyone.  I’ve been through this for three years, if I haven’t gotten over him yet, I’m never going to.