Alli and Other Stuff

I’ve started taking Alli.  I haven’t weighed myself in a couple days because I was home, so I don’t know if I’ve lost anything yet.  I’m supposed to be on a diet with this stuff, but that hasn’t really happened yet.

I’m in such a mood right now.  I don’t know what’s wrong or why I’m so…just…arrggghgdgghapodsfjhbf.  That’s the best I can describe it.  I was ready to go home for break.  Then, I got home and wished I had just stayed at school.  Then, today I didn’t want to leave home to come back to school.  Wtf, seriously.  Can’t I just make up my mind?  So now it’s got me really thinking.  I don’t know if I want to stay an extra year here to bring up my GPA, and take the LSATs.  I think I might want to just graduate and get a job and move on with my life.  But at the same time, I really want to go to law school.  I just don’t know if I can survive another three years of school after my bachelor’s.  I don’t know what the hell I want.

Then there’s you-know-who.  Of course we’re speaking again.  He came to me, and apologized, and when I said I accepted his apology but didn’t forgive him, he cried.  I told him I could live without him, and he asked if that was what I wanted.  I said I didn’t know, and he said he wanted to be in my life.  So, we’re friends again.  I’m just so disappointed in everything.  I expect so much more from him than I actually get and it hurts like a bitch.  I don’t want to expect anything from him, but I really have tried without success.  I don’t know where he and I will be after we’re both gone from here.  I’m trying to have a what happens, happens outlook on life, but it scares me at the same time.  I just worry and worry and worry about everything.