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I really hate when my eating gets out of control.  We all know that when that happens, my vomiting follows.  I hate this cycle of willpower-weightloss-hovering-discouragement-vomiting I go through.  It always wraps itself around again and I need to break it and stay in the willpower-weightloss phase.  I don’t even mind the hovering phase all that much.  It’s the discourage-vomiting phase that really bugs me.  I eat because I get discouraged, then I make myself puke because I realize I failed.  It’s so damn frustrating.  That’s where I am right now, and I seriously need to bust my way through and continue losing weight.  I hope that once I get my period, my eating will calm down and I can go back to eating less and smarter.

I’ve been at the same weight for about a month and a half now, and while it makes me incredibly happy that I’m maintaining what I’ve lost thus far, it makes me so aggravated that I can’t get by that number.  I need to change something, but not something too dramatic.  I’ve fallen into drinking a lot of iced tea instead of water, which is terrible.  I need to go back to water only.  Oh, and instead of drinking lattes with skim milk and splenda, I’ve been getting full on caramel or mocha lattes with whole milk.  Probably not that best idea, unless it is replacing one of my meals (which they aren’t at the moment).

It seems like going back to water and lowfat coffee won’t be enough.  There must be something else I can do.  I always think about doing Atkins again, but it never lasts long because of the headaches.  Maybe I can limit carbs somehow?  But I need something specific because just saying that I’ll limit carbs does jackshit for me.  Hmm, I would say something like ‘no more bagels’, but I work at a coffee shop and avoiding bagels is pretty much impossible.  I think I’ll say ‘no carbs after 5p.m.  That way I’m not depriving myself, just limiting them?  Who knows if this will actually work, but it’s worth a try, right?  Oo, I know another thing.  When I’m at work I tend to get food from either Taco Bell or KFC because they’re so close.  New rule: No Taco Bell or KFC Anymore.

There, I just made a list of goals and rules on a notecard that will stay on my desk.  I just need a reminder everyday that I have goals and I want them to be met.

Onto my love life…oh, that’s right, I don’t have one.  I miss Alex.  End of story.