Lying is the most fun a girl can have

I was just thinking about how I was mad that I haven’t talked to Alex since Monday when I left.  I was feeling pissed at him and thinking that he must be doing stuff with other girls if he isn’t talking to me.  I was seriously mad.  Then it hit me.  I’m being ridiculous.  Just because we haven’t talked for two days doesn’t mean he’s screwing some other girl.  I miss him and I somehow turn that into anger because I think he isn’t missing me.  He doesn’t deserve to have someone mad at him because he doesn’t miss them back.  His feelings aren’t his fault.  It sucks for me, I know, but I need to get over it.

I was trying to think of why I act the way I do.  I just feel like he is the one for me.  I know he doesn’t feel the same way.  He’s told me he loves me, but I don’t know how sincere that was.  I’ve never said those three words to him, although I’ve felt it pretty strongly at some points.  I’ve almost blurted it out, but managed to stop myself.  I don’t want to say that to someone who isn’t going to say it back.  But at the same time, I don’t like keeping this all in.  I really do love him.  I’ve tried getting over that.  There’s a huge trust problem in our friendship, which creates a lot of the arguments we have.  He’s even said to me that I have no reason to trust him.  He has lied to my face plenty of times.  I want to change how things are but I have no idea how to do that.  I don’t want to act like a bitch when he hurts my feelings.  I want to brush that off.  He doesn’t mean to, but he always seems to.

That little rant really didn’t make me feel any better, but I had to get it out.  So I don’t know when I’m getting my new car this week.  My stupid gym took my account off freeze and overdrew my bank account so I had to call and get that money back from the gym and the bank and they said it will take a few days.

Eating today?  I had some apple juice and chips with dip.  It’s already 3:00.  I don’t have to work today.  I’m pretty happy about that.  I have killer cramps though.  And I want chocolate.  I may play video games and watch my gilmore girls third season dvds all day.  Sounds like a freaking plan.  Maybe I’ll even get a hot fudge sundae.  Mmm that’s sounds good too.  Fatty McFat needs her chocolate when she’s in pain.  So much for that 20lbs before Jan 21st eh?