What now?

I don’t ask that question in a lost or bewildered sense, but with a sense of wonder.

I have worked so hard for this marriage for the last five years, and agonized for the last year over this decision. Now that I have made it, I am set free. I set myself free. My life is suddenly opened to possibilities and hope.

I marched into my therapy appointment yesterday armed with notes, journal entries, and purpose. I needed to walk myself through the this whole tumultuous journey in a cohesive manner. I needed to say it all out loud and receive confirmation of the thought and emotional work that has gone into this process.

The peace and confidence settling over my soul is such a joyful recognition that I am choosing what is right for myself and my children.

Soon, it will heartbreaking and stressful. I am under no illusions that divorce is an easy process. Soon I will need to cope with my husband’s grief and my children’s confusion and reactions to the disruption in their routine yet again.

But for now, I am going to harbor this stillness inside of me; let it take root so that it is strong enough to withstand what is coming.