Green Seeds

My eyes were not always like this. They have softened, brightened, and changed. They used to shift with the color of my moods, reflecting the greyness of the sky, the green of the sea or the placid blue of contentment. They would change with the flash of a word. Now they reflect something different in the mirror. Their pool has widened and a permanent shade of green has made its home. I see a different woman in these eyes than the one I have known. She is strong, intelligent and beautiful. She is not afraid of her emotions (though she may not always understand them). She loves. These eyes live apart from their face, reflecting their own soul. They sing.

It is these eyes that thank you. It is you who have allowed them to soften and deepen. Your love has allowed me to experience myself in new ways. I am growing. I have so much more to learn than can ever be known, but I see now that I can grow. A year a go my inner monologue would have told me that was not possible. I have always been good at accumulating information, but growth- you have planted the seeds that allow me these semi-green eyes. You allow me to sit outside myself and see the beauty and strength that God has planted, the soul He has sown. More than that, you allow me to listen within myself and hear words never spoken. Soul and I have secrets we have not yet shared with each other, but She whispers to me now. She whispers about gardens I have yet to walk through and tells me we must explore them together. It is alright that you are not with us. Together She and I explore my spirituality, sexuality, politics, femininity, grief, contentment, love, and fears, so that I may return to you a better woman. She is leading me out from my shelter, into the light to sow my garden. She shows me these wildflower buds that need nurturing, and where the weeds have overgrown. It does not matter that you are not there on our walks. It was you who unlocked the garden gate.