“Lose Faith In Higher Gods”
This could quite possibly be the biggest mile stone in my life, and I just feel like this is any other day. Maybe it’s just because things have been so crazy I just don’t physically have the energy to be excited. After the fact of this all happening today might hit me after the meeting and what not. I’m not really quite sure at this very moment. I’m a tad stoned, and slightly confused at how I’m feeling. I mean I just want it to be over with go to my endo app and start already like this is a waste of time. Look imma fucking boy I know this the god damn world knows this, I have only been completely living as a boy for 2 and a half years and passing better then any fucking pre-t ftm out there. Soo WHATS THE FUCKING PROBLEM!….ok..maybe I lied I do have many emotions on this matte, and the aggravate me very fucking much. The closer it gets the longer the waiting feels and the worse the dysphoria is getting. I have done so much mentally and in my life to make sure I can go thru everyday not reminding my self of how I was born and now that this is so close it’s all I fucking think about. Being the fact that I’m bleeding doesnt make it any easier to forget…fuck I just wanna forget. Living like this is bullshit..and it makes me "lose faith in higher gods".
It amazes me how Sara feels about all of this. I have never thought that some one could hate it as feel the same way I do about it. She’s just as excited as I am, and can’t wait for all these changes. She’s scared for the same things I am, but get all gitty and loose control at how different and more managable my life is going to be just because I can feel confident in the fact…I’m me. Shes thinks it’s bullshit I wasn’t born the wrong way, and can understand how it feels to dislike things about yourself, but she said she can’t imagen disliking everything. She has become a support system I have become to rely on alot for this, and shes so easy to talk to about it….well most of the time shes doesn’t like when it refers to me bleeding (to much like a grl boys dnt do that) er titties er my whoo ha, cause it’s wrong and I’m a boy and that’s that. She refers to my dick as my dick..it gets "hard"..not…"WET!!!!!!!!" (fucking tard), my chest is just a chest, and she said even when she sees me naked or we have sex it doesnt even register that theres any of the slightest difference. She forgets…"the skin". It’s absolutely amazing and has made it much easier for me to handle. I thank her she has made these past few months bareable.
Onward to getting ready and doing what I have to do today..smoke ddiiieesss piiipe, nd get in the shower..
D.J
—–Bye Nos it was nice, a special place in my life u will for ever b..ill miss it all, but i deserve better friends..nd honest atleast…idk ill write more bout this situation at another time. Goodbye to the others I have recently cut out of my life…sorry but I dont like douch bags liars, or drama. Or those who I care about and they dont give a damn back. I’m better then that and dont deserve to be fronted upon..thx k have a nice day assholes 😉