So Tired …. edit

I’m off work today, a girl asked me to switch shifts, so she worked my shift today and I’ll work hers on Saturday, it’s good, I kinda needed this mid week day off, I got caught up on my laundry and house cleaning and just relaxing.

I feel it’s getting worse, the cyst in my abdoman,  I feel it’s filling with infected fluid again, I have been feeling very fatigued, no energy at all, it takes everything for me to get up, shower and get ready for work, and I don’t work hard, I sit all day, but when I get up from my desk and walk anywhere I feeling soooo tired and just no energy.  I sleep a lot, other then getting up to go pee about 3 times in the morning, I sleep good.  I’m exhausted after work, I’m tired all the time, even the weekends, tho I force myself to go out and do stuff.  I hate being so tired all the time.  The pain is for the most part managable, I don’t always need my pain meds, but the weekend before last I was suffering a lot, I stayed home, was just cramping so much.  I just can’t wait for this to end, really, it’s been long enough,, soon tho, soon!

I’ve been thinking about the psychic reading and it’s true I put up a wall, more now then ever. I don’t let anyone in, I don’t tell them how I’m feeling, I’m just very private and keeping to myself, people ask how I am, I say fine, don’t go into anything more.  Julian calls, I talk, I’m nice and stuff but I just don’t want to let him in.  I have hardened towards Matt, I mean I still talk to him, but he will never get past this wall ever again. I was hurt too much by him, I know he doesn’t want me but that’s ok,  I just don’t want anyone right now, I want to be left alone, I don’t want to do anything with anyone, I’m just way too tired to do anything.  I want it to pass and be myself again, just not happening anytime soon.

I’m drawing a little and reading mostly, watching TV,  I come home from work, make something to eat, barely can do that, I just want to flop down on the couch and not do anything.  I’m in bed by 10 or 11, and sleep til 9am other then the couple times I’m up to pee.  Anyways yea, I try to keep positive, I know this won’t last forever, it’s just hard being so tired all the time.  I’m am physically drained right to the bone!

***Edit ….when I said I was hurt too much by Matt, I didn’t mean it was all his fault and he hurt me, I meant I was hurt too much by the breakup, like it just hurt too much to have to break up with him,,, just wanted to make that clear