It’s meant to be this way???

 If I could marry anyone in the world it would be Jimmy Fallon,  I just love that guy, he’s so funny and weird and cute and has a pretty sexy body.  I like guys with a weird sense of humour, it’s like a turn on for me, so yea Jimmy Fallon is my dream guy 😉  I know this is pretty random but I’m watching the Emmy’s and he is the host of it, he can rock out pretty good too heh!

Jaime came home Saturday, she caught a ride with a friend and was staying over night, along with her, she brought her laundry and she left with half my pantry lol but it’s all good.  I had plans for Sat night which was ok because she was visiting friends, we both got home just after midnight and chilled and watched the comedy channel, the cat and dog was sleeping with her on the couch, they really missed her.  we caught up and she is still waiting if she gets a job, she applied to 3 of them and all seemed like good potentials.  She is still waiting on the one that was a bakery position at market.  She worked 7 hours for them to see how they worked out, the guy told her to call the following Monday and when she did he said he was too busy and will call her in a few, she called back the next day and next and each time he was too busy.  I think that was so rude, like if you don’t want to hire her then pay her for the day she worked and let her move on.  I hate people like that.  

I had a blast at the Dragon Boat races, our team didn’t win but it was fun nontheless, I love hanging out with the girls and just being silly.  It was really hot Saturday too and was nice being at the lake. One of the girls brought her 1yr old daughter, awww such a cutie, I miss having a baby, I know I’m not having any more but I’m pretty sure I can wait for Jaime to have one, if she has one lol

After that I came home, did some housework, cleaned the floor in my dining room because it had paint splatters on it, it’s all ready to move my dining room table in now finally, just need help moving it in. 

After I came home Saturday night I went online and was talking to Mike, he is a sweet guy, he will text me randomly just to ask how I’m feeling, if I’m having any pain, how many pills I took.  he just seems concerned about me.  It’s nice to get a text like that, knowing someone cares 🙂  
 
I don’t get many texts from Matt, whenever we do text, it’s always me initiating it, then after we text for a bit I just get the feeling he doesn’t want to text anymore because his replies will be short like just a LOL and how do you respond to that?? so I just stop texting cuz I just get the feeling he doesn’t want to anymore.  he will msg me in koc and we will chat a bit but it’s like the texting, I get the feeling he doesn’t want to ‘chat’ anymore because of the short replies.  I don’t know if I’m saying the right things or he is just getting bored talking to me, I don’t know.  :-/

In other news, and this is pretty crazy, I’m still having a hard time grasping what happened.  It turns out before Julian and I started ‘seeing’ each other, ‘dating’ whatever it was, he was seeing this other girl, I say girl because she is 25, Julian is 33, anyways they weren’t serious, what he says anyways, but they were sleeping together because now she is pregnant, LOVELY! but Julian is making her take a paternity test after the baby is born because as he says, they were not committed, or in a relationship, just dating and sleeping together, but says he hasn’t called her since running into me that one night again.  Even if he was, I’m not gonna get angry about it, because we are not committed to each other.  So now I don’t know what to do, I mean I’m not angry at him but I really don’t want to get involved with this and brought into the middle of it all.  I don’t want some pregnant woman getting pissed off at me thinking I’m the reason they aren’t together.  Also if he is the Father,  I would rather he do everything he can to be with her, be a family, at least see if he can be.  According to Julian he doesn’t really have deep feelings for her and can’t see himself being with her.  I told him he should have thought of that before sleeping with someone without protection, he said he wore a condom, she was on the pill, so she says.  

I just know what’s going to happen, and I don’t want to be part of it.  The girl says it’s his, she never slept with anyone else, she seems crazy about him.  I don’t want her getting in my face causing all kinds of drama, I’m just too old for that crap and don’t need the added stress.  I know Julian is a stand up guy and will be there for the child if it’s his.  I don’t want to be the reason he would hold back doing everything possible to see if it will work out with this girl.  I strongly believe in ‘family’ and if there is a way they could be one, I would want him to try, even it if means I will be alone.  I told him he at least needs to try,  he owes the child that much, and if it is his, he needs to be part of their life.  I just don’t know if I should just let him go completely, have no contact with him, no hanging out, no nothing, in order to give this 100% effort.  If I do, I will miss him, but I’m pretty used to ‘missing’ people now, what’s one more right.  I just know I need to do the right thing.  I also know I can’t be in the middle of all this, not right now, I don’t need the stress.   Anyways, he and I will talk some more about it and decide exactly what to do.  It just might mean he and I are not destined to be together because it didn’t work out the first time we dated 5 yrs ago.  Maybe it’s just not meant to be,, maybe I’m not meant to be with anyone, maybe I’m supposed to be alone, I dunno. 🙁