UGH.

 I just need to vent for a moment. 
Nothing tonight went as planned. 
Maria (my roommate), Donna & I were all going to have a girls movie night with popcorn and The Hunger Games (which came out yesterday and you KNOW i bought it!). I was all pumped because while i saw it at the midnight showing i haven’t seen it since. It’s one of my favorite book series, and they did a great job with the movie so i was excited. 
Well, the phone kept ringing off the hook (the house phone, yes i still have one) because my brother has something due for college financial aid TUESDAY and i had to go put my hands on all of the important paperwork, scan and email it to him and at the same time calm my grandparents down from having to worry about it. 
woot.
Well halfway through the movie maria gets a call from her basically-boyfriend and ditches us. I mean hey i get that you haven’t talked to him all day, and i guess you don’t give two craps about the movie but you just up and leave and don’t even come back. it’s rude. 
So the rest of the movie you just hear her giggling through her bedroom door and i end up shutting the hallway door because i was sick of hearing it. 
I know that’s probably wrong but whatever.
They actually just met for the first time yesterday (they met online), which was sweet and it sounds like they hit it off really well and i’m so incredibly happy for her….but it just stirred up old crap. 
It reminded me of the first time i met Stephen…and the time i went up to where he lived…and when he came here for the last time. All fantastic memories…all "movie moments" as i call them….etched into my memory forever. 
But i’m done thinking of those moments…and days like yesterday where Maria is meeting someone…it just triggered old junk. 
Old junk that obviously doesn’t mean anything anymore. 
And here i sit, on my bed, close to midnight hearing her giggles and happiness emanating through the bedroom walls; and i just want to punch something. 
I know, i’m dramatic…deal with it. 
. . .
To be honest…i’m fine with where i am. I’m more than ok being single because it’s nice to not have to "answer to anyone" or have someone depend on me…i like that i can do my own thing when i want to do it. 
What sucks is feeling like i’m being "left out" of something…weird i know. LAME…i know. 
. . .
I just have this sinking feeling that i’m going to be left alone in this house…..while all of my friends are married with children. I know that whatever God has in store for me is greater than anything i can imagine, whether that includes a husband and kids or not……

…somedays i’m better at being content, but i still have my moments of frustration and impatience, like tonight; and i think that is normal. 

So i’m done venting. 
I’m going to turn on my crazy loud fan, enjoy my cat hanging out on the foot of my bed, and try to get some sleep before work tomorrow. I’m NOT going to dwell on the past of the future, i’m just going to enjoy where Godh as me right now.