Hope [*eeek*]

Cutting.
Suicide.
Depression.
Abuse.
Brokenness.
All of these things shatter me.
I was listening to WAYFM this morning on my way into work and Wally read an email he received from a 15 year old courageous girl. She mentioned how her father physically, mentally, verbally and sexually abused her. How she felt responsible for splitting up her parents “happy marriage” because when she confided in her pastor about what was happening at home he called the police. She played around with drugs for about a year and then started cutting as a release. She felt like God had turned His back on her….If God really cared he would help me out of this, I wouldn’t feel this way. She had made up her mind to kill herself one night, by slitting her wrists, when Mike’s Chair’s song:  “Let the Water’s Rise” came onto the radio. She listened to the words and sobbed and put the knife away. She didn’t know how to get out of this pit she was in…how to move forward. Wally took some phone calls to help give some advice to this young girl.
. . .
It gave me goose bumps. This girl is courageous and so very strong. It takes a lot of guts to spill out your life in such a raw way to an audience of people you don’t know and are unsure of how they will respond.
I commend her.
After thinking about this, and attempting to form some sort of response that would even attempt to reach this girls heart I tried to call in….of coarse the line was busy. It gave me encouragement that so many people wanted to reach out to this young girl and offer her help…THAT warms my heart.
Here are my thoughts if I was to share them with this girl…
You are not alone. There are so many people, young and old, who struggle with the feelings and the addictions and the form of release that you do. I’ve been there, I’ve thought about a world without me in it. I’ve had images of suicide and cutting…I’ve completely detached myself from emotions to just not feel anymore. The truth is…you are loved more than you can ever know. I know it sounds cliché, gooey, and false but that statement is 100% truth. We’ve heard that Jesus can always relate to us and that He understands what we’re going through…He really does.
That moment when Jesus was on the cross taking our punishment for us He knew how you would feel in this moment. He can relate because He was completely separated from God. HE KNOWS the feeling of abandonment and being shunned. As He hung on that rugged piece of wood He cried out in a loud voice “Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?”—which means, “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?” [Mark 15:34]He was completely severed from a relationship with God. HE KNOWS your pain. More importantly He wants to take that pain away from you…His desire is to heal your brokenness, clean your wounds, and breathe life into your lungs. His heart breaks over your sadness and pain, He sings over you morning after morning [Zeph 3:17] with the desire that you will walk with Him today hand in hand. He doesn’t want you to continue to bear the burden that you are but to let Him have your troubles and fears…trust Him.
. . .
Onto other things…

Last night I took a break from heading out to the new ministry I’m working at. I felt that for a few days the Lord just wanted me to be still before Him, and so I was. It was hard to completely disconnect and spend that time with him…something I need to do daily. I did my Bible Study and prayed, a lot. I listened and painted some while just attempting to Be Still before Him. I think it is important to have our moments of solitude and quiet…to truly be disconnected from the outside world and reconnected with The One who created us. I started & finished the first of two paintings I’m going to hang in my kitchen.
Here is the first one:
 
The second one will say “With my Soul”. It is one of my favorite Hymns that I sang growing up and every time I hear it and sing it now I still remember my mother’s lovely soprano voice wrapping itself around the words. I will be hanging other pictures/artwork around them to fill up the walls around the big bay window. =) The house is SLOWLY coming together. Everything, every situation, every important moment, takes time.
I sent a picture text to Mitch showing him the painting….this was his response.

How flipping sweet is that?! UGH….i love it. Its nice to be commended on something you’ve worked on.

 
. . .
Mitch.
You knew that was coming didn’t you?  Haha.
MMkk I’ll let the pictures of the text’s do the talking….
He’s yellow, i’m blue.
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So let’s just say at this point I shrieked so loudly that Tobi jumped up, flattened his ears, and started to look around. I thought he was going to fly up to the ceiling and dig his claws up there and never, ever come down. Ha.  I immediately called Maria flipping out and she was like “ohhhhh man” haha…we came to the conclusion that umm HECK YES I want to meet him, but I still felt like this was a little soon (it’s a little over two weeks). I wanted to be cautious about it as well…So this is how the text conversation went… [I’m in red]
Haha ok?
So I really do want to meet you, I just feel like this weekend is a little quick =/ and the weekend of the 9th I’m slammed…maybe the weekend of the 16? Or somewhere around there?
I think the 16th will work…won’t know for 100% certain till closer to that time due to work and all.
Mmk J just let me know if it will be a Friday or sat. just in case I need to take off work…
It won’t be a Friday because I’ll have work lol, but Saturday should be good.
Ooo man.
Oooo man?
Just ooo manning lol…hmmm J
Hahaha there is that hmm again, whats on your mind lol
Just like all over the place lol
Haha ok…so provided everything works out the weekend of the 16th….i have no idea what there is to do in ***** so I will have to leave that up to you, I’ll drive there but what is there to do? Lol
There is tons of stuff to do…I’ll have to make a little plan
Sounds like a plan J

WOAH.
Like triple woah.
So needless to say I’m going to the outlets this weekend and spending some $$ on an outfit and new shoes. Hollaaaaaaaa. I will probably throw up. Haha. I’m going to see if I can persuade him to stay the night (NOT WITH ME…in a hotel) so that way we can spend two days together. The drive here is 4 hours!! SO I don’t want him to be in the car all day long and then be exhausted driving back…so maybe I can convince him that the smarter decision would be to stay a night…aka spend more time with muah. I really, really want him to meet/hang out with my friends. I want to see how he interacts with everyone, and to get their opinion of him. EEEEEEEEEK. Yes I just eek’d deal with it. My brother is also supposed to be on Spring Break that week….hilarious. We shall see…Bo will probably want to meet him. I know bo’s only 19, but he intimidates the crap out of me sometimes lol.
OH MY GOSH…thoughts? Thoughts? Thoughts?!??!
I’m flattered quite honestly….someone wants to meet ME. !?! what?! I’m so totally NOT that awesome.
Also needless to say my diet will be heavily restricted the next two weeks and I will become a gym rat. Bahahaha. ALSO to be honest I’ve been doing GREAT (minus lunch yesterday) with my eating the last few days. I’ve been really staying on top of what I’m eating, how much, and how often. I have also done some form of exercise DAILY even if its just a 30 minute walk!
Did I mention that Mitch is in shape….. O__O hahha.
La. La. La….
*gulp*
This was what I said to Maria….
[i’m blue, she’s yellow]

 
And this was my friend Christina’s response:
[i’m blue, she’s yellow]

March is going to be a SLAM PACKED month!
Here is the run down of the things I’ll be doing:
Going to a bridal luncheon, attending my friend’s baptism, Girls movie night with old students, Baby Shower, Mitch coming down (EK), Baby sitting Em, Hunger Games Midnight Release, Bridal Shower, and a 10k race!! That’s not including the student ministry every Wednesday night, or my Bible study every Thursday night…woah.
 So needless to say I won’t be breathing much…but that’s ok.
. . .
Yay there is a thunderstorm at work….oooooooo *BOOM*
I wish i was at home, curled up on the porch, reading some Scripture. I’m DIGGING Ephesians lately. I’ve always loved Ephesians.
 
Ok my loves…..i can’t wait to hear everything you have to say!