Much to say…<3 *m*

My weekend…
Well…it was eventful but quite if that is even close to making sense.
Let’s see.
[Side note: This will be a little lengthy, but I promise it is worth it, plus I’d ALWAYS love to hear your feedback!]
Friday night…I didn’t do much of anything. I got some house work done and kind of just vegged the rest of the night.
Saturday.
I woke up and Maria & I made a trip to Lowes where I picked up some flowers, a bird feeder, and a few other things for the house. After Lowes we went to a local sushi/hibachi place and got some awesome lunch (it is one of our favorite spots to eat). We then went by a local consignment store and looked around. I ended up getting two glass vases (one that had a cork on the top, its pretty legit). We got home and I planted all the flowers (minus one because I couldn’t find a pot small enough at the house for it) and picked up my room. I went for a nice long walk around the neighborhood and it gave me some time to think…I’ll explain that shortly. We then went to Costco and I stocked up on a lot of healthy foods. Salads will be my LIFE this week for dinner. Oh yes…it will happen! After Costco we swang by chick-fil-a because neither of us really felt like cooking ANYTHING; once we got home we had a glass of amazing white wine and watched “RED” while eating our crack-fil-a …it really is like crack [not that I’ve ever had crack, I just think its addicting]. =)
Mmk.
Sunday.

Remember if the images are too big, click on them to make them larger.
Was amazing. I woke up early (*not on purpose) and was unable to fall back asleep. So I drifted into the kitchen and made some scrambled eggs with mozzarella, yum, and some coffee. I then went onto the back porch with Tobi and my laptop putting out the “Aint No Mountain High Enough” station on Pandora (it’s a FANTASTIC STATION!) with my coffee. Maria joined me and we just chilled and laughed at Tobi being a spaz. We then realized we had 10 minutes to be ready and out the door for church otherwise we would be super late which lead to commencing stealth ninja mode. It has been a while since I’ve had to get dressed and ready that quickly, but it was done.
We got to church and it was amazing; let me explain.
The lesson was on Luke 18:31-43…I will just write out my jumbled notes I took on my phone:
~what are you so focused on right now, that isn’t allowing you to hear Jesus? *Maybe God isn’t giving me a clear understanding (of a certain situation) because He loves me. Psalm 119:105 “God’s words are like a light unto our path”
-The blind guy v. 35-43 is taking a risk and throwing his comfort away (his jacket, which can be found in Mark) to chase after Jesus, to meet him. ***What risks are you taking in your faith?
Define miracle. Faith alone is what saves us, and once we are saved, we are to authenticate our faith by how we live our lives. If your faith is real—risks will come. What risks are you taking that show that Jesus is real in your life???
. . .
Ok now onto what made this a Sunday I will never forget. After the message we had a moment to reflect/pray before the last few songs were sung. I was praying mundanely and really not even recognizing what I was saying. Will (the pastor) had said something along the lines of: “just be with the Lord for a few minutes, put yourself in His presence”…and I’m a very imaginative person so I pictured myself at the feet of Jesus just praying. I remember praying the words, “Lord, be present with me….” and the next few moments have utterly changed me. So as I had said earlier I was at the feet of Jesus in my mind and the next thing I know he bends down to my level…and I started fighting it. “This isn’t real, I’m just imagining this, these are all thoughts, nothing significant”…yet it was the most real and authentic moment of my life. I was curled up in a ball on the floor and Jesus curled up facing me and wrapped His arms around me and rocked with me. I physically started balling my eyes out (which is something I rarely do, especially in public) and tears just were streaming out of my eyes. I looked into His eyes and said “I need you to help me; I’m so broken I do not know even where to begin. I’m torn apart, so confused, so messed up, please help me Jesus.” He then placed His hand over my ears, then my eyes, and then my heart. The next thing I knew it was like my heart was resting out in front of us, open, and He was pulling out memories and situations and looking at me saying “you need to let go of this one, you need to work through this, you need to love this one…etc” and I just kept crying and crying. He kissed my cheek, stroked my hair, and placed his hands on either side of my face and said “Amy, I love you…this is my affection towards you, not expecting anything in return. You need to re-learn this.” [Now mind you, the entire time I’m trying to fight this, trying to talk myself out of this, there is no way this experience is actually happening while I’m sitting in this chair in a service full of people]. He then stood up infront of me, reached down for my hand and pulled me up with Him. He wrapped His arms around me and danced with meand I just kept crying and crying. He again placed His Hand on my ears, then my eyes, and then my heart. At this moment I was standing up while others were worshipping and singing. Jesus was dancing with me in His arms and he whispered into my right ear (and I felt warmth physically all the way down the right side of my body), “You are mine”. I was completely humbled and He said it again, “Amy, you are mine, and I am yours. Remember this moment.” He just kept saying “remember this moment” and had his hand on the back of my head (like a father dancing with his daughter) and smiling at me.
I had my eyes shut the entire time not wanting to break the moment and so I finally took my glasses off so my tears wouldn’t get them dirty and wet and I opened my eyes. This blew me away…I could see, perfectly, the details of peoples faces, the crisp lines of the stage, the words were clear. I looked around wondering “what in the world?!?!” [Now mind you my vision isn’t horrible but I can’t focus on anything, everything is always very hazy or blurry and I NEVER see crisp lines without my glasses]. I felt completely disconnected from my body, like I didn’t even feel my skin, and I shut my eyes again and heard Jesus say, “Remember this moment” and I re-opened my eyes and I could not see again. I was floored.
The Lord of all creation, the savior of my spirit, the love who has captured my soul just encountered me in the most real, personal, and incredibly world-changing moment of my life.
I can not begin to express how this moment completely rocked me to my core. I do not think the way I just explained it brings any justice, at all, to the power that I felt radiating from Him.
Some people might think I’m crazy, or a “religious fanatic” or that I’ve bought into this lie and fantasy about Jesus.
I’m here to tell you, that if you view me that way, you are wrong.
I have done my searching, I’ve looked at other belief systems, researched, and turned my back on God…yet He continually pursues me and shows me how real He truly is. Trust me; I of all people have every right to hate God. He took my parents from me within 2 years of each other, I’ve had friends died, I have family members that are drug addicts and liars, etc [and I could have had it 100x worse]. We all have our stories, our painful memories, and the moments we were taken advantage of; but more often than not we don’t recognize the blessings…EVER. I am more blessed now than I was 10 years ago, and I am more in love with Jesus now than I ever have been. That doesn’t make me foolish, or mean that I don’t have my painful days…trust me I do. But I CHOOSE to have faith and to look at a situation not as “God why did you do this?!” but as “God, you’ve allowed this, now what do you want me to learn?” Faith is a hard concept to comprehend; it means believing in something that you can not see, touch, or audibly listen to (even though quite honestly God could reveal Himself to you physically, and speak very clearly to you). In all honesty, it takes a lot of courage and faith itself to believe in nothing. If you don’t believe in anything (which is essentially having belief in something (aka nothing)), I challenge you to challenge God. Seek out the truth for yourself, and I promise you won’t be disappointed. Look into C.S. Lewis and Ravi Zacharias to start. J
Also on Sunday I finally broke down and bought this comforter I’ve been eyeing (more like stalking) for a while at Target. <3
 
Please excuse the messy room…and the wall colors. I need to figure out a new color-scheme and then knock it out!
. . .
Mitch.
[<-psssttt head that way if you want to see a picture of him]
This guy makes me smile like crazy.
I’m still figuring things out, processing, and being cautious, but another thing that was brought up yesterday at church was to take things one day at a time. To seek out God’s guidance, follow His Will & Word, and take each day as it is handed to you and produce the most God-honoring day with it. Mitch is an encouragement: his positive attitude, hard working motivation and nerdiness is just refreshing.
On Saturday during our text messages I said something like “so tell me something else about yourself” and he responded with “Well, I could tell you all kind of things to make myself sound awesome, but you won’t really know until you see for yourself” I almost dropped my phone…I was on my walk when he sent this…I responded with “what are you trying to say mister?” and he said “Well, isn’t it obvious?” and I said “I was just seeing if what page you’re on” and he said “Well, its logical, sometime in the future you will have to find out for yourself what you really think of me” …those weren’t his exact words but the text thread has already surpassed it hahaha. So, he wants to meet at some point, woah. J And then we actually video chatted yesterday! So very, very exciting. He is adorable…[which reminds me of another text message convo: at one point I said “you’re adorable” and he said “ha. Can I be something other than adorable? Like sexy or attractive….or something, when I think of adorable I think of ponies and kittens” hahahah]. He is super sweet, genuine, and attentive. If he can’t talk long, or won’t be able to text for a while he lets me know.
I was talking to Maria yesterday after I chatted with him and she was all “you don’t seem so excited” and I said “well I’m processing” and she said “What exactly could you be processing”…and I couldn’t explain it.
Quite honestly I think I’m just afraid, I’m afraid to trust someone, to even feel something in regards to romance. I’m guarded and scared. Long distance terrifies the heck out of me, even though I’m familiar (pshhht more like overly comfortable) with long distance and know how it works/doesn’t work ….ugh. I don’t know. I KNOW everyone is different, every situation is different, and every relationship is different. I guess since how all of this is going down it just reminds me of Stephen…the beginning stages and that make me feel….well I don’t know how it makes me feel. I do not care for Stephen any longer, and I haven’t for quite some time now. Its just since he was my last “relationship”…ugh…I still sometimes compare things to him and that relationship; which isn’t right, or fair, or even close to what I want in a relationship now.
Anyways, I’m obviously working through some things mentally but I am going to ENJOY this timegetting to know Mitch and enjoy the fact that a decent, handsome, and seriously sweet man is genuinely interested in me and what makes me tick.
 
 
And that ladies and gentlemen is probably the longest entry I’ve written in a while.
You’re welcome.
 
Thoughts? Comments? Love? Hate? Whatever…
<3 you all.