Doors

 
doors. 
That has been the word to sum up my life for the last few months (years even). Six months ago my pastor stepped down because of an affair. Since the day he has stepped down his actions have been completely opposite as i would have expected them to be and it breaks my heart. Being in leadership during this time has been so extremely trying, frustrating, and draining. Now that it is finally over i feel like i can actually breathe. This past Sunday, 9/18/11 was our final service as C3. We have closed our doors and are dissolving as a church. It devastates me. I thought i had cried my tears and gotten to a point of peace with all of it…boy was i wrong. Today me and beverly went to the church to pick up some of my things and as i walked around, seeing everything boxed up, i was overwhelmed with sadness. Knowing that this week other church leaders are going to be walking through our church to look at our "goods/assets" and see what they would like to buy…breaks me. Its like everything we’ve worked so hard for the last 4 1/2 years is just being picked through. I KNOW that our stuff will be put to good use, and used to help expand God’s kingdom in some form so that is encouraging and makes me happy, but overall i’m still sad. Walking through my back area where i met weekly with my students, where i taught them, laughed with them, got pied in the face, built relationships…etc. Knowing that this season is over brings tears to my eyes. Knowing that my students are now going to have to find somewhere else to fit in, to be the "new kid" to build relationship with students, etc. I love my students…and i miss them. I just feel like i’m so emotionally, spiritually, and mentally spent. I’m broken over this mess. It sucks….a lot. 
This door has shut, and i know that God is already beginning to pave the way for the next door to open. 
I was approached by my old youth pastor who is now a pastor at a church in Alabama to consider putting in my resume for a job opening they’re about to have. It would be a position as a Youth Minister/Childrens Minister/Church Outreach Coordinator. It was just simply amazing to be thought of…to know that my calling is still there if that makes sense. I know God has placed the desire in my heart to work with teenagers. To dig deep with them and wade through the drama with them, to love them, laugh with them, etc. I know that is what i’m called do to. 
I just need to breathe from it all….

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I ended things with Josh. 
He wrote me an email that was truly beautiful and sincerely apologetic. But i don’t deserve that in my life. I don’t deserve to be treated second rate, and neither does he. We don’t talk…..there really is no need to. 

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i’m getting new glasses…the one’s i got originally are messed up and creaky as all get out. I got some sweet purple ones…i’ll post pictures once i have them. 
I’m getting contacts this week 🙂 I’m excited to have them so i can actually see while i’m at the gym and doing projects around the house. Wearing the glasses is still NOT something i’m used to…they are still something that just feels different and foreign on my face. Ha! Lame i know…

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Do you ever realize that i do (…) these a lot? I don’t know why, i just like them. Maybe i use them so much because it represents how i actually talk. I just am thinking, pausing during a sentence, breathing, re-evaluating what i want to say. 

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I ordered my new sectional today!! It was definitely something i’ve been thinking about doing and been saving for. I’ve been searching for something in the area that was cheaper and of the same size but everything around here that is a "sectional" is just a sofa with an added on chaise lounge (lame sauce) and was of the same price if not MORE than the sectional i wanted from IKEA. So i kept searching and wanted to make sure that i looked around…everything just wasn’t what i liked. I’ve been sitting on this decision for like 6ish months and finally pulled the trigger today. It was a pretty penny, but one (that again i’ve been saving for) that i think i will really love and enjoy for many years. 
 
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My g-ma S (dad’s mom) just had her 4th back surgery on friday. I haven’t spoken to my aunt as much as i would like but i understand that her pain level is not doing so well. Please be in prayer for her and her healing process. She is definitely elderly and this could go so many different directions. 

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I miss school *gasp* i know! I definitely do not miss the papers or tests or assignments but i miss the entire environment. I miss meeting new people, being challenged, learning something new, and gaining new experiences. I miss laughing with friends and hearing worship music at all times. I miss having someone come up to me, put their hand over my shoulder and give it a squeeze and genuinely ask me "Amy, how are you and Jesus today?" I definitely didn’t appreciate those experiences while i was there. Story of our lives right? We never fully appreciate the good in a situation until it is gone. 
hmmmm….

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I’ve already started decorating for Halloween. I know, dork-a-lert. I just love the holiday. I don’t know why really, maybe its because its a night you can just be weird and its normal. Maybe its a night that reminds me of my childhood and playing dress-up. I love all of it haha. [pictures soon]

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This friday night i’m having my youth group girls come over for a movie night. A few months ago me and Emily (a friend a youth volunteer) realized that a lot of our girls (all but 1) have never seen A Walk To Remember! #1 God is so present #2 fantastic movie. #3 Shane West …need i say more?!?!? haha. I miss the girls too. THey are just awesome. So sweet. The last time we had youth hear two of them (who have been out of town a lot this past summer) RAN up my driveway and up the stairs and slammed into me with hugs "Miss Amy, Miss Amy We’ve missed you!!!!!" It made my heart melt immediately! THAT was a blessing!! 

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How do you like my stream of consciousness writing…lovely right?

Well it is late, i mean SUPER late so i should go to bed. 

Love you all!

 

I will read/comment on your entries soon! Sorry i’ve ben MIA.&n

bsp;