Rollin
I’ve got illness after illness rollin’ up on me like a group of 40-stoners running down a hill, there I am at the bottom caked in chocolate! Though not many in number (haggis, um, haggis…)I’m willing to accept that the smog-free sky’s of Scotland are worth a miss for sure. The 12 months down here has been a right bugorama of year! Of the many things I would like to be doing between 2-6am…
– I’ll leave this to your imagination. Though not YOUR imagination Pi Girl :p
… sitting in the bathroom isn’t one of them! After 4 hours the alien in my stomach apparently escaped to pastures new and I was able to sleep.
*wakes up*
Hmmm what time is it?
*looks at mobile*
*looks at mobile and starts wishing*
*Looks at mobile with one eye shut, switches shut eyes*
I ‘love’ the moment when you realise it really is 11:30am and that you really are 30 minutes late for work. I rock up to the tube stop, buttoning shirt on the fly, flick of a wrist with the Oyster…
*Bad beeping sound, red light*
I flick the wrist and run the card over the sensor more slowly
*Bad beeping, red light*
Ai Je pula meh moment!
Card’s empty so I pop to the machine to top-up, 20 shall do. And coming round the corner at 1000mph we have ‘Guess Where Your Wallet Is?’
I am seriously Fear And Loathing the day!
Here we go, here we go, so it’s back over the road taking care not to be hit by a man with a van.
I’m the man with a plan but ‘b’ was taken so I ended up with ‘c’. Then I forgot I O and U s0 I hopped, skipped, and jumped on my own.
OK sad news boys and girls.
– I want watering eyes here y’all, proper leaning on shoulders for support, we’re talking head to foot decked out in black!
‘We are gathered here today to say goodbye to another top. You’d only been with us for several months when you were ripped away so suddenly whilst still in the prime of your life.
– I glared the fuck out of that nail that hooked on to you.
‘Though taken too soon you experienced a good life with many fun memories such as the time you were mulled by that drunken girl in Amber who insisted Mariah Carey songs were enjoyable. Guess we’re not each others vision of love? Or not of course forgetting the being thrown out of Abacus and the crazy that followed after.
RIP ‘Very nice top.’
On the positive side though I found a really nice pink shirt in the sky of Wonderland**. After a rigorous screening process including (but not limited to) scrutinising the garment for any hole-age, rip-age, or mark-er-runity throughout the week, it was given the green light weekend gone. I grabbed the gangsta pin-stripe and front sided the shirt, polished my noggin’ and left the door 11:45, zippering and buttoning as I went. I’m all about cufflinks providing of course I’m not running late.
Life’s all very much ado about nothing. Lathering myself up in vaseline the last 5 days has finally meant that my face is no longer cracking up!
– Just my mind then eh
Now it’s all about leaving the office when the sun’s still out or at least it will be once it stops snowing. For now my thoughts are dripping so I’m shaving the top of the feature presentation and leaving it for the audience to enjoy with buttered popcorn, carbonated super-sizes, and that giant pack of M&Ms you snuck in.
**Bottom of the walk-in.
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*tears at my hair* WRITE!!!!!
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Baby, come home.
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