Move Along Nothing To See Here

I’ve a nose with a run on me like a heard of buffalos.
Stampeding congestion aside I’m feeling well enough and hankering for fried chicken. But it’s me so well, well, in truth, it would probably save time if I was to update people when I’m NOT hankering for fried chicken!
– Talking of which, I see a £2.60 6 wings and chips caked in chili sauce on the menu tonight.
Positively The Angel Of Death personified by the crippling influenza of the last few weeks has almost departed – Signified by the return of my appetite hence the XL pizza I ordered Sunday got polished off in one sitting (onion rings included). Ordering food is so much harder than it should be for a Gemini when confronted by so much choice. Though I got the shock of my life when Pizza Hut don’t deliver to my area!?! Fortunately as I eat anything and everything I rolled a dice, #9 picked me ‘The Rocket’ from some other eatery. I ordered promptly without reading the ingredient list based on the principle that anything named ‘The Rocket’ must definitely be of the epic persuasion.
–  I wasn’t disappointed.

Not much happening in the life of Rich so the weekend was spent mostly under the wolf blanket. I woke up Saturday10am with the plumber rat-a-tappin’ my door to check the leak. The pipes above my room run 100% of the time, like, non-stop, CONSTANTLY. Have you any idea how annoying this is? Doc Hollywood* likened it to a babbling brook in a field. How wonderfully eloquent but complete bull-shit. Want to know what it really sounds like, Chinese (fucking) water torture!! If it’s not the impact of the drips falling on my head, it’s the fact that despite burring my head under the covers, with my earphones in (music off obviously), under more covers still, it’s that I CAN STILL HEAR THE WATER RUNNING! Obviously so normally typically serene in my manner…
– Yeah I’m not buying it either
…I’m truly at the edge of my tether. For example if you were to ask me for a cup of tea? You shouldn’t be surprised if I pick up the kettle and beat you over the head repeatedly till it’s boiled. I do not believe in my current lack of sleep deprived state that this is in anyway an overreaction.  An overreaction (in my view) would be to batter you over the head with the kettle, then take complete offence if you didn’t then consume the cup of tea you’d requested!

I meant to add, the most ridiculous thing of being woken up at 10am on a Saturday was (after the plumber left) hearing a whole lot of bed squeaking from the room next door where I presume Doc Hollywood had his gf over.
‘Halal this’ I thought and promptly put my coat on to trip to the shops in whilst he finished off.
Bed squeaking aside they were pretty quiet going at it.
…the same cannot be said of my landlord. The same cannot be said because as I walked down the stairs past his room a lot of grunting and screaming could be heard as was going at it with some random bloke. Quickened the pace, I was then out the door and before returning up the stairs after my shop visit, I chose to smoke a long cigarette in the garden.

I watched ‘Freaky Deaky’ last night. In truth, I was sold on the name before I’d even pressed play. Surprisingly this is not a 70’s porno but actually a comedy. It was funny – Always a plus point for a comedy.

The most popular story on the bbec.co.uk/news website is thus:
‘Richard O’Brien – I’m 70% Man’
I’m sure at times my readers have doubted the ratio was that high? Of course this isn’t actually a story about me but my Crystal Maze/Rocky Horror Show’d namesake.  I’m sure you knew that already?

Everything’s good today having concatenated the bejesus out of Excel data.

–          ‘concatenating’s’ the kung-fu of the Excel world. If concatenating was a person it would wear a red ribbon around its head and be dubbed when it spoke.
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I leave you with the image that for my entire journey home I felt like I had an arse cameltoe.
Thank you and good night.

*The new housemate who’s moved into the room opposite mine, late 20s, a GP. He seems alright. He plays a guitar.

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