Blind Tenor

I really do wish I had something better to write about, to think, but I don’t at the moment. This diary thing makes me want to have worthwhile thoughts somehow, sometimes I write out long entries about the everyday, opinions and nonsense, but I never post them, I don’t really know why I even write them. I still find it strange that I can’t think ahead of the word I’m writing, I can’t plan my next sentence or decide what I’ll talk about, I’ve never written anything on here that wasn’t purely stream of consciousness, even when I get inspiration to write, it’s just to write, no subject attached.

That’s kind of the way life is for me too, I can’t tell you what things will be like tomorrow, I barely even know where I’m likely to be, how I’ll feel, what I’ll want, I’m stuck in the moment. My father Terence is 78, he’s lived a bit over 28,000 days, I wonder what that would be like, assuming each day felt different from the last. Whether you’d get, tired of it, at some point. I wonder what our concept of time would be like if we didn’t sleep, if we didn’t have an unconscious interlude between the days? To him, 28,000 times the sun has risen, given light and he’s had 28,000 opportunities to make that day memorable, how many of them he actually recalls I don’t know obviously, but I’d hazard a guess and say it’s no more than a handful, just as mine is with only a third that figure.

A decade ago I was in year 11, I was 16, I was spending a lot of time with a group of Chinese friends, Andy, Matthew and Chris, obviously names they had chosen. We’d leave school early, usually after lunch to go into the city, UTS has a library close to China town, we’d go find somewhere quiet and we’d study and talk, I found it very amusing, skipping school to go study.

We’d walk down to Eating World for dinner, which was this large food court, with about 20 different little shops, the place had uncomfortable seats, you had to yell to hear the person next to you and the utensils, the chopsticks, spoons, forks were communal set aside on a tray table, however the food was delicious and cheap, $7 for a big meal, and it was fun, I kind of like that crowded feeling in the city, it’s the opposite of going out into nature where you’re mostly alone, in that food court were over a hundred people all living their lives, crammed next to one another, this enormous variety of existences all together there sharing a meal, I liked that.