Monster

I’ve been travelling in my car for about a month now, I’ve covered about 5000km all up. I’m home now though, I love home, I love Sydney, Brent put it well, he said "When making a plan with you I have to remember that you’re already happy and content with your own things, so whatever I offer has to be at least equal or better if I’m likely to get a response from you."

I know how this sounds, but honestly, being totally happy within yourself makes you a desperately boring and unproductive person, I have almost no desire to do anything outside of what I already do, because I’m so deeply happy doing what I’m doing, people get angry at me because I’m not following the usual path, because the same rules don’t apply to me, they go so far as to argue that my happiness is naive, that it is an insular happiness… I tell you, it’s a fucking bizarre thing when you sit down with someone and they get angry at you for not being unhappy, worse yet this is true for the majority of people, they don’t tell you out of concern for you, they are telling you what they think is the right way, they’re telling you you’re wrong, doesn’t matter if you’re actually happy. Nobody I know really empathises with me on this because nobody I know is content, most of my friends trust me on that though but if I’m daft enough to say something like that to strangers or vague acquaintances most of them will call me one of three things, conceited, naive or a liar. Oh wait, sometimes they call me a combination of those things.

I’m also very selfish. My time is my time, to certain types of people I can be a frustrating friend, and I make a terrible boyfriend to clingy girls, I have used that to my benefit though, it’s a potential problem but I’ve been using it as a solution, I’m not one for breaking up but it’s not too hard to give girls the inspiration to settle matters on their own, I don’t have to be mean or anything and it can be done with anyone really, everyone has core principles and ideas that they value above all others, they’re usually fairly easy to discern, all you need to do is display an obvious deficiency in the area and that will drive most people to say things like "I’m sorry but things just won’t work out between us." I don’t mind, I’d compromise if I valued them enough but obviously if I’m doing that I don’t value them enough to compromise… See what I mean about selfish. People become abhorred by this sort of talk but it’s fairly honest and much more common and far wider practiced than many would like to believe or admit.