greetings from the sky

This morning I got up early to a bright sunny sky. Not a cloud in the sky and the air cool enough to stave off perspiration. These are the best kind of mornings, the kind I feel the night’s sleep was worth it, where there is minimal struggle between hitting the snooze button for an extra nine or so minutes and deciding to get up and face the day.

I left early to take the car to the car wash, mainly because I’m too lazy to wash the car myself and it’s on the way to work. Plus they recycle the water there. The state of the car’s appearance wasn’t too bad to begin with – it rained a little a few days ago. Yeah, I’m really lazy when it comes to that. However, the car is usually parked under a tree – a pussy willow at that – which can get pretty messy.

So I finally got the car washed and headed out to work. The radio was playing – the morning show djs were in good form and cracking up. Traffic was light and the windows were nearly halfway down. Birds were flying overhead as I drove. I could see that they were seagulls by their white silhouettes. I noticed something falling as I drove underneath.

Splat.

What.

I blinked twice. A huge thing that could only be bird turd splattered vertically along the driver side windshield.

(Excuse me for a moment.)

%#&$@!&*! %#*% %(!@*(#$()^

(Back to the post.)

Freaking less than half a mile from work too.

I tried getting the thing with the wipers, but the crap had landed at the edge of the windshield, most of it out of reach of the wipers. I’m not sure what these things eat, but whatever it is, it comes out like some sort of yellow green chunky paste. I’m always amazed at bird crap – somehow they seem to crap out things in two different colors at the same time. When I got the parking lot, there was some white splatter on the roof to go along with the putrid color on my windshield. Luckily I had some napkins in the car, so I cleaned it off.

I was pretty pissy when it happened, but half an hour later I find it hilarious. I felt like hunting down that seagull and doing something like taking a dump on it, but really, I’m better now. Really. (Hide the sharp objects).

I think I might have mentioned it before somewhere, but whoever said that getting hit by bird crap is a sign of good luck is bullshitting (birdshitting?) you. Chances are, they got hit themselves in the past and are just saying that to make themselves feel better.

Oh well.

***

With my luck, some bird will mark my car as it sits in the parking lot during work anyway.